‘Marrying A Comrade Is Like Marrying A Soldier’
Mrs. Preye Magada-Evah, wife of the Coordinator of Ijaw Monitoring Group (IMG), Comrade Joseph Evah, shared her experiences with ONYEDIKA AGBEDO as the couple marks their 20th marriage anniversary today.
‘BEHIND every successful man is a great woman,’ is a common maxim that not only underscores the place of a woman in the life of a man, but also the supportive role the woman plays in the running of a family. Mrs. Preye Magada-Evah, wife of renowned human rights and Niger Delta activist, Comrade Jospeh Evah, epitomises this maxim in all ramifications. Comrade Evah, who is the Coordinator of Ijaw Monitoring Group (IMG), the platform through which he fights injustice in the Niger Delta region, is not only a role model in Nigeria’s civil society circles, but a national figure.
Before Preye wedded him the traditional way 20 years ago, the anniversary of which they are celebrating today, Evah was seriously in need of comfort having lost his late wife, twins and mother-in-law. Preye gave him that comfort and has gone beyond that to support him to achieve to national limelight.
Narrating her journey into the marriage, which she says has been wonderful and smooth, Preye disclosed that she wedded the Niger Delta activist when she was 19 years old.
To have a blissful marriage life, you must marry your friend who is ready to go the extra mile and you must make sacrifices for one another. As a policy, don’t lie to each other.
“I married my husband at the age of 19 years. I just left secondary school at Iseyin in Oyo State and I was waiting for my Senior Secondary Certificate Examination (SSCE) result. I came to Lagos with my mother and he met me at my uncle’s house in 1995. He had lost his late wife the previous year. I asked him why he wanted to remarry so soon. He said he was too lonely as the loss of his late wife and twins during childbirth and also his late mother-in-law because of the trauma of her daughter’s death, gave him psychological pains. He said he needed somebody that will help him from depression. So I asked him, what did I know in life that I would save him from depression? I was 18 years plus at that time; but he was persistent.”
According to Preye, her parents felt she was too young and did not want to give her out in marriage. “My father was very bitter that a girl waiting for her SSCE result wanted to get married. My husband even had to promise that he would send me to higher institution. They doubted him; he was then a journalist. A lot of people believed he just wanted to use me and dump me. It was not only my parents that doubted his sincerity. My father was serving as an officer in the Army then. I even warned him that my father would arrest him and detain him in the barracks for trying to marry an immature girl like me. But Comrade continued to put pressure and when my parents realised that he meant business and that I had yielded to his proposal, they accepted and all is now history.”
Preye, who is of Ijaw origin like Evah, was full of praises for her husband for keeping to his promise of sending her to higher institution. “I am now doing my second degree at the National Open University of Nigeria (NOUN). My husband encouraged me to go to school and motivated me a lot. He also introduced me into business in 1996. In fact, if I try to slack in my studies, he would remind me that he openly said he would send me to the university during the struggle to marry me. He is a man who wants the best for his wife, children and the larger society. He is always worried about other people suffering and how their situations would change for the better. He does not know how to pretend about such situations,” she noted.
To have a blissful marriage life, you must marry your friend who is ready to go the extra mile and you must make sacrifices for one another. As a policy, don’t lie to each other.
She added: “I met my husband when he was living in a one-room apartment. One of the heroes of Atlanta ‘96, Joseph Dosu, who was the goalkeeper during that football tournament in the United States, was in the same compound with my husband. My husband was still living in that one-room apartment when he took the military government to court to stop the dredging of River Niger. Funny enough, the building where he was living then is very close to where we built our own house here in Alapere Ketu. The whole neighbourhood knows our background here. So, I thank God that I met a sincere man that cannot stand injustice.”
Preye explained that in spite of the activism in her husband, he is a nice man at home. “But he is a no nonsense man,” she warned. “He is a funny character. My husband won’t spare the rod if the need arises. He disciplines with the cane. The African culture has made it that we have a large number of young people that mix-up with our biological children in our home until they find time to settle down. We thank God the family house is big enough for extended family members. But he makes sure everybody behaves well.”
Asked whether the engagements of her husband takes him away from home much to her discomfort, Preye said: “He is always there for us in spite of his busy schedule. He is not the kind of man that neglects his family in any way.”
She affirmed that she used to get worried because of the risky nature of her husband’s calling. “His work is purely centred on fighting for justice and it is so risky. I used to put interest in that but I don’t do that any more. However, I have had cause to fear for his life. You know, I am still young and my children are still very small so I don’t want anything to happen to him. So, I always pray that God would protect him and I just give Him the glory because He has been doing that.”
According to Preye, her husband’s involvements with a lot of women through the several organisations he sets up to reach out to the people like the National Association of Ijaw Female Students (NAIFS) with over 5,000 members drawn from all higher institutions in the country, does not bother her. “I think outside students’ matters, my husband’s biggest fans are women. Most times when we are in a public place, you see women coming to hug him. Some will tell me plainly that I should not be jealous; that he was made for the public and he defends public interest. People who watch him on television every time are really excited seeing him physically. I don’t have any bad feelings about that. In fact, even if he is out of the country and there are pressing problems that the female groups require assistance, I render such. I support him to the fullest because that is his own calling in life.”
She however acknowledged that a lot of pressure comes with marrying an activist, noting: “The marriage has moulded me to be more focused and patient in life. Marriage is like a school, you learn every day but to be frank with you, marrying a Comrade is like marrying a soldier. You are like a soldier’s wife. My father was a military man. I lived in the barracks all my life so I saw the pressures on the soldiers’ wives, especially during the military regime. In marrying a Comrade, you also see pressures all over your husband; you see people always coming to meet him for solution to one problem or the other. The pressure is on me especially if he is not at home or outside the country. It is not easy at all.”
Preye stressed that she made the right choice in marrying her husband, describing him as reliable and trustworthy. “My husband is a man you can trust if he gives you his word. He trusts people a lot and he hates liars. He is a very stubborn person that never changes his mind easily.”
On the sad moments in their 20 years of marriage, the death of her eight-year-old son was all she could recall. But it is not something she likes talking about.
Asked the factors that give birth to an enduring marriage, Preye said: “To have a blissful marriage life, you must marry your friend who is ready to go the extra mile, and you must make sacrifices for one another. As a policy, don’t lie to each other. I can’t hide anything from my husband. From the beginning, the day your partner lies and you discover but ignore it because you just want to marry, there are dangers ahead. You can see the number of broken marriages every day. I think the golden rule of marriage is obedience, trust, love, tolerance, prayer and submissiveness on the part of the woman.”
If given the opportunity to request for a special gift from her husband on this occasion, Preye would not ask for anything. This is because “he has given me everything I needed. He has been caring. I was young when I knew him and he has fulfilled all the promises he made to me 20 years ago. So, I don’t think there is anything else to ask for. I only pray that our marriage would continue to grow in love, understanding and peace.”
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