Pastor (Mrs.) Helen Oritsejafor unveils new book, lists secrets to successful marriage
Pastor (Mrs.) Helen Oritsejafor is wife of former president of Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), and founder of Word of Life
Bible Church, Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor.
She described marriage as an investment that would build great homes. She urged single ladies to deemphasise money or wealth, when choosing future partners.
Speaking during the signing ceremony of her new book, Joyfully Together: Keys to Enjoying Your Relationship, Pastor (Mrs.) Oritsejafor said marriage could not be emulated, but crafted by partners to suit their aspirations and desires in life.
Advising intending couples to put God first, the author explained that some people who put wealth first ended up not getting the happiness they hoped for in marriage.
For couples desiring successful marriage, Oritsejafor said they should be committed to each other, as well as learn the spirit of teamwork. She urged single ladies not to go into marriage mainly because of money, but because of conviction and love.
She raised the following posers: Why do people spend so much effort and resources preparing for wedding but not the marriage itself? Is there any marriage that is conflict-free? Are marriages to be emulated or crafted? What is marriage? Why should we marry and what are the steps towards preparing for marriage?
The book reviewer, Isitoah Ozoemene, described the book as a “compelling intellectual piece and a counseling companion divinely inspired, incorporating godly principles intended to set a new orientation geared towards changing the mindset on relationships and marriages.’
The book is divided into 11 chapters, each of which engages the reader on specific aspects of the theme, posing questions, presenting informed dialogue backed with Biblical texts and allowing the reader to assess and make a choice on what is presented to him/her.
The second chapter answers the thorny and complicated question young people ask regarding the appropriate age to get married, by pointing out that rather than the age factor, the issue is determined more by the answer given to five critical posers highlighted in the work.
It examined the characteristics of a marriageable single lady, and by extension what men look for in a woman. It attempted to provide answers to such questions as:
Where have all the good men gone? What is your definition of a good man? Why are there many single Godly ladies today?
The third chapter starts with the question: “Kisses: Are they allowed in a Christian pre-marital relationship” and replies with an emphatic ‘no’ in view of its far-reaching consequences on the relationship with God and those involved. It went on to clearly establish a link between pre-marital kisses and pre-marital sex.
Citing the scriptures extensively, the author exposed the truth to those who are confused as to where to draw the line, when it comes to physical expression of love in their relationship.
The dangers and consequences of pre-marital sex and other forms of sexual gratifications, including biblical level of intimacy before marriage and the price of keeping one’s dignity in pre-marital relationships.
What women need to know about men and the qualities they look out for in them is the focus of the fourth chapter.
Chapter five featured the reverse, telling men what they need to know about women and the attributes men look out for in a lady before proposing.
Marriage usually starts with excitement, love and great optimism. But within a short time, things tend to suddenly cool down.
Why is this so? Chapter six addresses this, as it examines factors that affect love in a marriage, how to re-kindle lost romance in a marriage and factors that influence a couple’s chance of success or challenges in marriage.
Of the varied challenges that affect marriages and lead to divorce, the place of infidelity was dissected in the seventh chapter.
The breaking of a promise to remain faithful to a partner arises, when certain needs are not being met in the marriage.
The author examines causes of infidelity, its symptoms, consequences and proffered corrective measures.
Fundamentally, couples are reminded of the need to always make God their anchor, because even a broken marriage can still be completely restored through His Grace.
Influences and interference are another sour point in marital relationships, the commonest being the mother-in-law syndrome. It is a theme that has been exploited extensively in movies, dramas and literature.
While it must be acknowledged that the author addressed an issue that is constantly in the public domain, her focus, presentation and statement on this matter is a unique perspective that commands the reader’s attention.
The issue of infertility and childlessness, which are often critical factors in the mother/daughter-in-law clash, was examined in the ninth chapter. The discussion is illuminating, deep and expository, while the solutions suggested are practical.
What is divorce? What cause divorce in marriages? What can be done to save marriages from divorce? The details can be found in Chapter 10. The very sensitive issue of whether couples should operate joint or separate bank accounts was also discussed.
Considering that couples need to often work out their financial goal and budget, it is a matter of choice how they decide to operate.
Consequently, the author, an accomplished chief executive in the banking and financial sector, showcased the pros and cons to enable couples make informed choice.