Quarreling in advance with your spouse

What does it mean to quarrel in advance with one’s spouse? It is a situation whereby a spouse is already boiling in anger and planning what to say and do to his/her spouse whenever he/she arrives. Not all men are very observant when their fiancées or wives wear a dull look or are not too strong physically. Some women are, however, ready to develop a serious quarrel out of this bad observance skill of their men.

When the man leaves for work without noticing their dull looks, they start quarreling in advance. Some say in their hearts “when he comes back from work, I will snub him and make him feel how painful it is when one is neglected. I will handle him today when he arrives. I will give him a piece of my mind.” This is not necessary at all. Why not simply tell him the state of your health or the reason that you are dull? How long will you keep teaching and informing him of how to be observant? It can be life-long. It is you that may now have to change and find the necessary patience on how to draw his attention to your looks.

Many women are also very good at quarreling in advance when their birthdays are around the corner and their husbands’ minds are far away from their special day. They start grumbling internally as the days draw near. I am not suggesting that men should be careless with their wives’ emotions. Men should know that a birthday is of great emotional importance to a woman. The emotions of a person can be quite delicate. Therefore, try as much as possible to consciously remind yourself and keep tab as the months trickle into weeks and into days.

When a woman is constantly and romantically made to be aware of her coming birthday, the normal woman will be very fulfilled even if very little money was spent to celebrate the day that she arrived planet earth. But if the husband forgets and is about to hurry to his office that morning, you can lovingly remind him. 

When next you are tempted to quarrel in advance over what your spouse did or failed to do; over what your spouse said or failed to say, learn to be patient and look out for a possible excuse. For example, if he planned to phone you at a particular time and after some hours no call came through, look out for possible reasons. Train your mind to think positively that it may be that something is wrong with your network. Try to use the word “probably.” People who know how to use that word suffer less stress in their love lives and work places. I am not saying that you should excuse the inexcusable, but you just have to give allowances for other people’s faults. An ancient Greek thinker, Cicero said: “Probabilities guide the decisions of wise men.” Wise people use the word “probably” while one-way thinkers hardly do so. 

Instead of quarreling in advance, “brethren, whatsoever thing are true” (of your spouse) “whatsoever things are honest” (about your spouse) “whatsoever things are just” (about your spouse) “whatsoever things are lovely” (of your spouse) … think on these things.” As you apply the above scriptures to your marriage, you will find out that you can make your mind dwelt on what you want it to think about as far as your life and relationships are concerned. As you train your spirit and mind to meditate on the above scriptures (Philippians 4:8), the Holy Spirit will step in and help you not to quarrel in advance. Love you!