Relationship matters – Part 3

This week’s write up is also in response to the questions asked by our readers: ‘What do you do when you are ready to get married and trying to decide about someone you are just getting to know, by deciding to go on a date and reinforce your thoughtfulness about the person?’ Many people underestimate the efforts required to make their relationship work.

First, you must accept that every relationship leading to marriage will require commitment. Relationships should never be one-sided, where a party is overburdened and working things out alone. Relationships, which work, usually sum up the efforts of two people. Don’t be lured into the unrealistic social expectations of friends and families to date. When you decide to date, your focus should be on cultivating your friendship and not solely because you are under pressure to be married. Assuming you end up not deciding to marry this person, they may become the bridge builder to the person you will eventually marry. Cultivating friendship is the objective of dating with reason. This is wisdom for everyone before planning for marriage, especially when you are getting to know people.

Don’t send any wrong message to your prospect that you are desperate to get married. Answer the likely questions setting boundaries around your life. Don’t behave borderless. Respect the other person’s feelings. Be honest and be mindful of yours as well. Ladies, give the man the liberty to pursue; that is his job description. Every man appreciates better the result of his hunting. Be mindful of discussions around finances, investment, or inheritance on a first date. Watch out for unusual uneasiness during dates. Once you are beginning to like their personality, don’t isolate yourself from your friends and family. Introduce them informally to the ones you meet, not as a couple, but as friends because nothing is concrete and conclusive yet, lest you are forced to decide for marriage. Watch out for any noticeable character flaws. Be selective where, when and what of your time together. Be sensitive to your emotional wellness: touching, petting, kissing and secluded outings can fuel a passion for unsolicited sex, which you may not be able to account for if the date doesn’t work out.

Generally, do not rush into marriage, no matter the perceived pressure.

Make progress with your life by growing your career path and developing your enterprise dreams. Never hold the best of you back. Be a contributor to your world. You cannot afford to make hasty decisions when it comes to marriage. Do not allow yourself to be tossed around emotionally by anyone who is not serious or ready for the commitment required in a relationship leading to marriage.

Do not be perceived as a snub. Be warm in your relationship with others and don’t build on falsehood pretending to be who you are not.

Above all pray. God has given each person the willpower to make choices, but He is also committed to leading and guiding us if we ask Him. Do not spend your lifetime throwing yourself at others, looking for someone borderless to complete you. God’s desire is that your spouse complements you in every way. Find your life rhythm with God by developing an enriching personal relationship. Everyone thinks they have it all figured out until there is a crisis. Don’t wait till you hit a relationship crisis because the pressures are real. However, you can glide with God when you engage His blueprint for marriage: “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the One Who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil” Prov. 3:5-7.

Ayo Daniels is a healthy family passionate who writes from Lagos. Your questions: ayodaniels@mrlworld.com