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Rescuing your family member who is loving the wrong person 

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Charles Ighele

In one of my previous articles in this column, I wrote about how I was blindly in love. I also wrote about how a girl sacked me the same day I informed her of the disastrous outcome of an examination I wrote while at school. As stated, it was not a sexual relationship at all. But I was blindly in love. 

After about three days or so of depression, my eyes became open to the fact that I was an idiot. The signals that this girl will never make a good wife were many, but I ignored them all.

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When a person is blindly in love he or she cannot see the future consequences of his or her actions. 

Chei! It was much later, I realised that if she had not sacked me, I would have ended up marrying her and would have been one of the miserable husbands on earth. I would not have also fulfilled my God-ordained destiny. I am still very grateful to God today that even while I was yet a sinner, He put insurmountable roadblocks on my path without which I would have walked like a nama (cow) to the slaughter.

From my years of being in a marriage, and as a family counsellor, I have found out that the following are among the steps that people take to rescue their loved ones who are blindly in love.

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Some approach the matter like Samson’s father and mother as can be seen in Judges 14:15,16. All they could say as stated in Judges 14:3 was “Is there no other woman in the whole of Israel that you can pick to be a wife, apart from this pagan Philistine?” Samson, seeing that his parents were very soft on him took advantage of their softness and replied, “Get her for me; for she pleases me well.” 

Another approach families use to rescue their loved ones who are blindly in love is to shout, scream and threaten that they will not attend the wedding and that they are on their own. The way some blind lovers respond to these tactics is to abscond and wed somewhere else or move in as live-in lovers.

A third approach some family members use is to go and threaten the lady, or the man that their loved one is blindly in love with. They usually say, “leave my son alone,” or “leave my daughter alone.”

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A young man got angry with his mother and loved ones for going to harass his “innocent” girl. A woman whose son was blindly in love used this third approach some weeks ago in Ughelli, Delta State, Nigeria. She went to tell the girl that her son was blindly in love with to leave her son alone. A fight ensued and the mother of the girl was accidentally stabbed and she died. 

What then should be done to a blind, deaf and mad lover? Parents of such a person and some family members should individually, or collectively put such a serious matter into deep and constant prayer and fasting without tormenting the blind lover with quarrelsome words such as, “we are praying and fasting for you. You will never marry him/her.”

Pray and fast secretly, but once within respectable intervals, you sit the blind lover down and begin to paint the picture of how the marriage is likely to be and likely to end. Make the person know that you love him/her and you hate to see him/her in a marriage that will be filled with sorrow. 

I pray that your childrens’ marriages will never bring sadness to you. I pray that your children’s marriages will bring additional joy to your life and family in the name of Jesus, Amen. Love you.

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