Signs that he/she will be a terrible spouse

I have told people who come to me for counselling that there is no such thing as “I did not know.” The truth is that the signs are always there and they will always be there, showing that the person coming your way for marriage is a terrible person.

There is always a red flag. There is always an alarm. But because most people are overwhelmed with love or the need to get married, they find it difficult seeing these things. They get carried away with the experience of “love,” which is either infatuation or complete deceit. The money he/she has, the position he/she holds in an organisation, the car he/she drives and the political connection that he/she has, among others, have blinded the eyes of many people (especially females) from finding out the quality and authenticity of the person who has come their way for a love walk and eventual marriage.

Nobody becomes a monster overnight. Nobody becomes uncontrollably angry all of a sudden. Nobody becomes irresponsible suddenly. The traits are always there. The signs are always staring us in the face. It is our insensitivity that makes us not to see and recognise them. Sometimes, when we see these signs, we tend to disregard them all in the name of “I love him” or “I love her.”

My advice is this: before you commit yourself to any man or woman, it is very imperative that you consider all that needs to be considered. Do not overlook certain behavioral traits displayed by the man or woman you are interested in marrying. It is not wise to pretend as if you did not see the ugliness in his or her character. Address whatever you need to address now that you are about to enter into courtship or now that you are in courtship. The chance to correct anything you do not like is what you have now.

The character of a terrible man or terrible woman will surely come out one way or the other before you say, “I do.”

When you love someone and you notice a particular character, such as excessive and uncontrollable anger or a tendency towards infidelity, do not ignore it or regard it as a small matter.

The fact that you love someone is enough reason to spot the things that are terrifying in that person, and see how you can fix them or run away from the relationship, unless you have made up your mind hook, line and sinker to be a sewage disposal tank. That you love your child does not mean you should turn blind eyes on the dangerous road of life that he or she is following. As a parent, your love should move you to talk to that child and ensure that he/she changes and becomes a better person in life.

In the same manner, that you love a man or woman does not mean you should just jump into marriage, knowing full well that he/she can bring perpetual disgrace to you and the family or do those things that can lead to death. Any character trait that can bring shame should be talked about and necessary counselling done before marrying such a person. The signs that the person you love is a terrible person will surely be there. Like we say in Nigeria, “shine your eyes well well” because “eye wey dey cry dey see road.”

It is better to call off the relationship now than go into it and become a miserable wife or a miserable husband. I have heard sad stories of those who saw some of these terrible signs but ignored them. The end result was either divorce, battery, depression, and untimely death.

Trouble dey blow whistle. Be careful. Be wise. Love you.