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Spouses who struggle to apologise

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Charles Ighele


Do you always struggle before you say, ‘I am sorry’? Do you feel many times that people are just unfair to you? Then you have a problem!

When you struggle to apologise, then you have to deal with the spirit of pride. You are the only one that can constantly deal with this spirit and begin to form a new habit by replacing it with spirit of humility. Only you can heal yourself. A proud person will always see a humbling situation humiliating. He will prefer to argue, wanting the other person to understand. And if the person does not understand, he/she becomes hurt and angry. But your healing starts the day you realise that you are not perfect and that accepting a mistake pointed out to you is part of growing up. The ability to apologise is the beginning of developing a humble spirit.Heal yourself, develop your human spirit by allowing the spirit of humility to become a central part of your spirit.

Many people keep saying their spouses do not know how to apologise and if at all they do, they do it without feelings attached. It was as if they never apologised at all.

Early in my marriage to Carol, we, some of the time struggled apologising to each other. But as we became more Christ-like and more mature, we trained our human spirits to learn how to apologise without struggling to do so. Make your child apologise properly without struggling so that he/she will not export this into his/her marriage and future relationships.Very importantly, couples should learn to say, ‘I am sorry’ not only when the quarrel has started, but also as a means of preventing the matter from getting bigger. Remember, “Prevention is better than cure.’’

In fact, for some, it is more painful and demeaning apologising to a younger person even if they are aware that they are wrong. Peter (not real name) saw it as belittling mostly when the younger starts feeling happy.
During his youth service year, he met a fellow Corps member who never had any problem saying, ‘I am sorry.’ He will also turn up the next day looking confident and joking with ease with the person he apologised to the previous day. He never felt embarrassed or angry even when he had to say ‘I am sorry’, for what was not his fault. His parents brought him up well. In fact, he ‘followed peace with all men’ (Hebrews 12:14). This made him earn more respect. He was always a happy fellow.

Peter writes: “I envied him, while I wondered how he could throw his pride away. This was something I couldn’t bring myself to do.” Before now, Peter always believed in winning his cases through arguments like a lawyer in the court. He continues by saying: “But now I know better, that it is the mature person that apologises in a dispute.’’

Do not see whoever apologises as the weaker person. It is a sign of maturity. One of the things we deliberately do in our home is to compel each of our children to know how to apologise to each other no matter who is older. Whenever we found out that any overreacted, an apology was demanded for overreacting. With this training we are preparing them for their spouses and society, so that, they can live happier lives. In case you are grown up and find it difficult to apologise, it is a sign that you are an immature person occupying an adult body. Humble yourself and grow up, so that, you can enjoy a better life.
Love you!


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Charles Ighele
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