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The marriage institution – Part 13


Why Marriages fail? The following factors can doom a marriage before it has a chance of starting. Marriage usually happens when two people come into love. Soon after the initial crushing and ceremonies, the living “happily-ever-after” takes a lot of work, which many married couples underestimate and just a few years into the marriage, many find their relationship faltering. Twenty per cent of married couples usually divorce within the first five years of marriage. However, this does not imply that mutual affection doesn’t exist between couples, who find themselves in a failed marriage. The causes of divorce are varied and complex, but fall across common themes with certain patterns emerging. Here are seven of the top reasons for divorce. Despite all, we can still build stable families, if we choose wisdom, knowledge and understanding, Proverbs 24:3-4.
Undiscussed/Undisclosed Debt: Finances can be a source of contention in marriages, whether it’s in the first five years or the next 20. Once the honeymoon phase is over, the reality of loans to be paid back hits and these usually causes feelings of resentment that put pressure on the marriage.

Believing That Marriage Is a Cure-All: Often, people make the leap into marriage without giving a great deal of thought about the person they will be living with for the rest of their lives. Choosing who to marry is one of the most important decisions most people will make in their life, yet many do it without due diligence. Wilful blindness does not end well, especially with the mindset that marriage fixes everything, which is an unexamined fantasy. Marriage is not some magic pill that cures all problems. To prevent marriages from failing, couples must work on theirs.
Not Speaking Up: Married life can be challenging and filled with burdens, and when one party feels as though they are taking on too much, it can lead to discord. This is intensified when one person feels the need to keep those burdens quiet. Often, what one party gets to hear at the point of divorce is the other party asking, “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have helped, if I had known.” So speak up. If you feel like you are drowning, say something. Let your partner know! Preventing divorce has a lot to do with dealing with the little things when they happen.

Troubles With In-laws: Overbearing in-laws are somewhat marital cliché in every culture. However, if a partner isn’t prepared for the type of relationship their spouse wants to have with his or her parents or the kind of relationship his or her parents want to have with them, they could be in for a rude awakening, once the reality of marriage sets in.

When people are dating, they are treading lightly, walking on eggshells with their families. People don’t really state their opinion initially, but when it becomes an everyday episode in the marriage, it causes a lot of friction. While many marital relationships last, several begin crumbling after a few years, and close to half of such marriages ends in divorce. The quirks, behaviours, and habits people find endearing about each other at the beginning of a life journey may feel like a burden, as the years go by. But God’s Word is consistent, and we can run on His Kingdom model to build stable homes (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
Ayo Daniels is a healthy family passionate who writes from Lagos and will love to hear your feedback, questions, testimonies and attend to your counselling need:
To Be Cont’d…


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