When a spouse commits adultery guard

It was after the long holidays in September 1975, and I was returning to resume studies at the Federal School of Art and Science, Sokoto, where I was doing my higher school.

It happened that one of my father’s friends was travelling from Delta State to Lagos and I had to follow him on a free ride. We left Delta State late and my father’s wealthy friend had to check himself, his wife and I into a hotel in Benin because we arrived there at about 6pm.

Expectedly, he and his wife sat in the two seats behind while his driver and I occupied the two front seats. It was one of those journeys I can hardly forget 23 years later. This wealthy professional barked and shouted at the wife from time to time in the course of the journey. Each time the man shouted it was as if the woman would catch cold. She would obey him like a frightened rain beaten cat. He and the wife never gisted or exchanged pleasantries throughout the long journey to Lagos.

It was much later I discovered that his wife was caught in adultery in Lagos where they lived. The man had to take the matter to his family in the village. As expected, the woman was summoned to the village where she owned up.

It was on their way back from the family meeting in the village that my father told me to join them to Lagos. It was after I had this knowledge that the shouting and their not talking to each other throughout such a long journey made sense to me.

I am telling this story because all those involved are dead. And there is no way any other person would have an idea of what I am writing about.

During some Christmas seasons, my mind would go to what that man did and what Joseph the husband of Mary (the earthly mother of Jesus) did to her.

Matthew 1:18-19 tells us, “Mary was engaged to Joseph but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit.” Verse 19b says “because Joseph, her husband to be, was a righteous man and was not willing to bring shame on her publicly, he planned to privately break the engagement.”

From what we can see, Joseph did not want to make any noise that would bring further shame to the shameful thing, which he thought Mary had done.

Right from when I became a preacher, I have had cause to tell people to take example from Joseph by not bringing further disgrace on their sons, daughters, husbands or wives by bringing into the public domain any disgraceful thing they might have done. I believe this is the quality of a good man or woman. This is the quality required of a civilized man or woman.

My father’s highly disappointed friend could have handled the matter of his wife’s adultery with a responsible priest who knows how to keep secrets or a responsible inner circle, instead of taking the matter to the village. The man did not divorce the wife. But I know that himself, his children and the wife were all stained with disgrace that came because he advertised his wife’s disgraceful action.

I believe when people saw him, the children and the wife, the thought of adultery came to their minds. He did more damage to his family name.

I hereby advise that you should not advertise the disgraceful action of your loved ones. Instead, meet a responsible pastor or a responsible inner circle to resolve the issues and bring healing to damaged feelings. Love you.