When you are married to a mummy’s boy
There is the case of a mother who kept seeing her 32-year old son as a little boy. He happened to be her firstborn. When he was to get married at about 32 years to a lady of about age 28, she could not imagine how a 28-year-old “small girl” can adequately take care of a 32-year-old “small boy.” The young man would tell his mother such words as: “mummy, I’m not a small boy. I can run my home.”
But her son (who equally loved his mother so much) was very wise and jovially firm. By jovially firm, I mean jovial but firm. He used jokes, funny illustrations, and other means that prevented his mother from being the supreme commander of marriage and over his wife.
After murmuring and fretting here and there, his mother had no option other than to accept the marital boundaries jovially erected by her son. I recommend his style. But not every man is like this.
Another mother, who loved her son so much, always ensured that her son ate her meals instead of the meals cooked by his wife. I’m talking here about a marriage that has been in existence for about 10 years with children. The man’s mother was the commander-in-chief of her son’s home. Can you imagine a situation where a wife has drawn the food timetable for the week, only for her mother-in-law to come and make her own?
Some wives have reacted by quarrelling with their husbands and mothers-in-law. As marriage and family counselors, my wife and I have seen that confronting a husband who is babyishly in love with his mother and confronting a mother-in-law who insists on still breastfeeding her thirty-something-year-old son will look like questioning two mad people and wanting to know from them, why they are mad. So, what should a wife do in such a situation?
Before going into marriage, the woman ought to have known that the umbilical cord between the man she wants to get married to and his mother has not been cut. Such a wife should, therefore, decide to love her possessive mother-in-law the way her son loves her. She has to first of all convince her husband that she loves his mother.
Once your husband is convinced that you deeply love his mother, he will begin to love you more. It works like this: “If you love my mother whom I love so much, then you have won my heart. I will then love you more.” For a wife to be married to a man who is in the handbag of his mother is not pleasant at all. But such a situation should not be allowed to grow from bad to worse and worse to worst. Such a wife has to meet an experienced pastor or marriage counselor on how to navigate her way through. But the point I have tried to make here is that the wife should, first of all, grow to unconditionally love her mother-in-law. She should also, through her actions and words, apply Philippians 4:8 by talking to her husband about her mother-in-law on only, “Whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report.” It will be easier for the wife and marriage and family counselors to convince such a husband to change his ways and be a man when the man is convinced that his wife loves his mother. I pray that your children will not find themselves in such awkward situations. Amen. Love you.
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