Monday, 25th September 2023

When you meet your now married ex-boyfriend

By Bishop Charles Ighele
24 April 2022   |   2:45 am
I will never forget something that happened many years ago. I will tell the story in such a manner that those who know them will never know whom I am writing about.

Charles Ighele

I will never forget something that happened many years ago. I will tell the story in such a manner that those who know them will never know whom I am writing about.

Personally, I do not enjoy talking or writing about people’s misfortunes even if the people hurt me terribly in the past. Before this lady, I am writing about getting married, she had a boyfriend. The man had a unique facial feature that made him stand out in a crowd. The unique looks of this very tall, handsome man also made people take note of whoever his girlfriends were. The friendship between this lady and the man, therefore, brought the lady into the limelight. But after some time, they went their separate ways. The man got married and the lady also got married to a different person.

Shortly after her wedding, the lady had a quarrel with her husband, the type of quarrel that newlyweds who are trying to know themselves do have. But this little disagreement turned out to be too big for the lady to handle. Instead of her looking for how to handle the problem with her husband, she went into a “pity party.” She started pitying herself and thinking about how her boyfriend of old would have treated her in a kinder way.

You know thoughts are powerful. An all-consuming thought has the potential to land you in the very situation that you are thinking about. One day, this lady found herself in the office of her old boyfriend who happened to be the first “real love” of her life. She found herself in the counseling arms of her ex-boyfriend. And, of course, old flames, old passions and old memories poured out in quick overflowing currents, and before they knew it, they committed adultery. They never thought such a thing could happen. 

Let me talk more about the lady; she was and is a decent lady who never, ever thought about committing adultery in her life. She could, therefore, hardly forgive herself forever for doing such a thing. She is the type who never wanted to mingle with any woman or man that is considered to be immoral after she got married. But here she was. She had just committed adultery. She went home feeling ashamed, dirty and guilty. She went back home vowing that such a thing would never repeat itself again. She vowed never to sit in the same room, or be in the same car with her ex-boyfriend again.

As expected of newlyweds, she got pregnant after over 12 months after her wedding and she gave birth. But the child looked exactly like her conspicuously looking ex-boyfriend. It was easy for everyone in that town who knew her ex-boyfriend to easily see that the child belonged to him and not to her husband. And, of course, that was the end of her marriage. She learnt her lesson the hard way. She learnt that as a married woman, you must stay away from your ex-boyfriends, especially if you loved them so much. 1 Thess. 5:22 tells us to stay away from everything that has the ability to make us do evil.

God wired the woman in such a way that she looks up to her man for emotional comfort and security.

Some women, therefore, feel confused about where to go for comfort whenever their husbands abuse or neglect them emotionally. Instead of thinking about how an ex-boyfriend would have handled you better and then going to meet him to report your marriage matters, it is better for you to meet a marriage counsellor. Never take your marriage matters to an ex. Love you!