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Why relationship fails: Unrealistic expectations


Solomon Ojigiri

For the past few weeks, we have been discussing the factors responsible for failed relationships. Today, we are looking at unrealistic expectations as one of such factors that make relationships to fail in our days. It is always good to have great expectations because that is another name for faith. Although, we are supposed to have great expectations, it is absolutely wrong to have unrealistic expectations. So many enter into courtship and even marriage with delusions, fantasies and unrealistic goals and dreams. Just like it is always good to have great goals, it is also very absurd to set unrealistic goals. Some people’s expectations about who they want to marry are completely out of this world. Some people’s expectations of the kind of person they want to marry do not really exist in this world. As much as we need to be very prayerful and exercise due diligence on the person we want to choose as our life partners, we also need to do proper investigation. This does not, however, actually mean we can have someone that is hundred percent perfect and faultless. You will need an angel from heaven to have someone that is perfect in that sense.


All we need to do is to learn to trust God after we have prayed and played our part. We must also realise that transformation is a continuous process. We must see the need to keep working constantly on ourselves and sometimes also on our spouse. However, it is unrealistic expectation to think that we can change or transform anyone or that anyone can change overnight. Only a genuine encounter with God can bring about such transformation. It is absolutely wrong also to ignore our responsibility to make the right choices and assume that we can change anyone or transform them to whatever we want. The work of transforming people is absolutely the responsibility of the Holy Spirit. It is unrealistic expectation to think that you can get into marriage with a drunkard or a smoker or a womaniser and change him or her to whatever you want. It is also an unrealistic expectation to assume that marriage is a magic wand that will change everything overnight.

Every relationship or even marriage is a reflection of those who are in the relationship. We all bring who we are into our relationship. It is nothing but unrealistic expectation to think that marriage or any relationship will change you. Often, such relationships only reveal or amplify who you are. There are some who enter into relationships with the assumption that the relationship or their partner will meet all their needs. I always admonish people not only to work on themselves but also on their finances, so that they will not become liabilities in their relationships or marriage.

It is unrealistic expectation to think that anyone exists to meet all your needs. You must learn to be self-sufficient before you think of saddling yourself with the responsibility of any serious relationship. Your motive for going into any relationship must not be pecuniary in nature. Purpose in your heart that you are going to be an asset and not a liability. Never assume that you are going into a relationship, so that someone can solve all your problems. Rather, see yourself as a problem solver that is out to help others.

Rev. Solomon Julius Ojigiri, Everwinning Faith Ministries Int’l. 73/77, Everwinning Faith Avenue, White Sand, Isheri Osun, Festac Extension, Lagos. 08023997277 or or


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