“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity,” Prov. 17:17
“Two are better than one; because they have good reward for their labour. For woe to him that is alone when he falls, for he has not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat; but how can one warm alone? And if one prevails against him, two shall withstand him, and threefold bond is not quickly broken,” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.

Man is created a relational and sexual being. His greatest quest is his desire for fulfillment; which should not be attributed to acquisition or achievement. Life is a battle. The battles fought in life are in phases of diversifying forms and shapes. To win these battles; understanding, strategy and wisdom are very important. The pivotal of man’s existence is companionship and responsibility. Every companionship carries a level of responsibility. When the total man is over hulled, you will discover that all about him revolves and evolve around relationship, and understanding. Where there is wealth and power without wisdom; it can only result to waste of endowment and resources. I wish to know the man who said: “It is the people who touch our lives for the shortest time that are the hardest to forget.”

What Is Relationship?
Everyone relates. It is a connection between two or more people or groups and their involvement with one another; especially as regards the way they behave towards and feel about each other. In life no matter what our temperament is, we are connected and will connect with someone in one way or another; how we deal with these persons in respect to how we are connected explains our value system and respect to life. No relationship succeeds by accidents; there must be a level of investment and commitment for success to be achieved.

Relationship Could Be:
1. Friendship relationship could be erotic, platonic, casual or serious relationship
2. Family relationship is entered through birth, adoption or marriage,
3. Familiar relationship: colleagues, acquaintances or environmental.

The Place Of Understanding In Relationship
Understanding simply put means mastery, discernment, grip, perception, assimilation and absorption. A relationship with understanding has compassion, empathy, which is summarised as selflessness. Greed can gain heights, but selflessness guarantees satisfaction, which brings about a sense of fulfillment.

Challenges People Face In Relationship
• Emotional
• Financial
• Proximity (distance)
• Boredom
• Sexuality
• People (others)

The presence of these challenges does not suggest isolation. In Genesis 2:18, the Bible says: “It is not good that man should be alone.” This is because in Eccl. 4:10, the preacher writes: “But woe to him that is alone.” To enjoy a healthy relationship, one must set his mind on making the relationship to work, which will require some level of investment and commitment.

A Healthy Relationship Mindset
“Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another,” Colossians 3:13 (Good news translation). Whenever there is a relating, there is bound to be a kind of ‘friction.’ Over time by understanding, there is a blending with no bleeding. Some people blend and bleed, while others blend and cleave. This is the reason some enjoy relationship while others endure, those who cannot endure breakup. To this therefore, never expect much from people, this can result to pain. Always be open and ready to adjust and improve. You may differ in taste and choice, but having same interest will enhance intimacy.

The Power Of Understanding
1. MASTERY: This means to get used to, know the techniques formula, and able to deal with it with ease.

2. DISCERNMENT: To have insight, know beyond the surface: able to tell between real and shadow.

3. GRIP: This is strength, ability, capacity, capability. Life is tough and there is struggle, there is a constant fight; the will to win makes a champion. Relationship is part of life; therefore, the battles cannot be isolated.

In marriage relationship there is the fight for tolerance, finance management, home making, childraising; relationship interference, job interference, and self-satisfaction.

In Life
• Anybody can be the best
• Anybody can be a trustworthy ally
• Anybody can be dependable
• Anybody can be someone others can hold onto.
All these will depend on understanding, selflessness and price paying.

4. ASSIMILATION: To listen and be attentive to someone while interacting with them is the secret to positive assimilation. People who talk and listen at the same time experience partial hearing. You cannot be talking and hearing others and gain accurate understanding.

4. ABSORPTION: Learning on the job. Getting used to it while doing it. Over time, people learn to withstand shocks when the shock is repeatedly encountered. The mind can mentally adjust to shock.

5. PERCEPTION: This is the ability to see, hear, and become aware of something through the senses. It means to regard, understand and interpret something correctly. In perception unlike discernment, you are able to correctly say it the way it is even in a distance, discernment is more of a guess.

There are different kinds of people you must meet in life;
• Those who want to run you down.
•Those who want to raise you.
• Those who want to take you out because you seem like a threat to them.
• Those who see you as good only because they are gaining from you.
• Those who can easily discard you when they feel you are useless to them.
• Those who know your weakness, dirty part and yet treat you like an Angel

In 1 Samuel 25:3, Abigail was able to tolerate Nabal not because Nabal was good or that she was ignorant of the true nature of Nabal, but she developed methods of managing him and saving him from shame and destruction.
• There are those who love you and can go lengths for you without expecting anything in return.
• There are those, except they gain from you they cannot give to you.
• There are those who smile with you, but hates you in their hearts.
• There are those who can never celebrate your effort and success; when you make a mark, they say: ‘Are you the first, I can even do more than you’
• There are those who celebrates you not because you did well but because they want you to feel you are doing well and continue in your failure assumed success. To your doom they praise you to fail you.
• There are those who appreciate you and encourage you to exceed your limits.

Benefits Of Understanding
A man of understanding is outstanding and can withstand challenges. If you gain understanding, it becomes almost impossible to stand under. A man of understanding stands in line with his virtues and purpose against distractions and distractors, which enables him to stand tall, stand out and becomes outstanding.

Understanding Can Do The Following:
1. Kill regret
2. Expel fear
3. Order direction
4. Able to see in the dark
5. Ability to hear even in the noisiest of places
6. Walk through the path of thorns and difficulties
7. Brings about result and productivity.

A Must Watch
1. There are true, as well as false friends (Prov. 17:17, 18:24).
2. There is humility in friendship and relationship (Col. 3:14, 1 Pet. 3:8).
3. There are forgivers (1 Pet. 4:8, Eph. 4:32, Prov. 17:9).
4. There is loyalty and kindness (Prov. 3:3-4).
5. Someone must take the lead (Matt. 7:12).
6. There is respect (1 Pet. 2:17).

How To Experience Healing In Relationship
1. Accept your fault (Luke 15:18).
2. Work on your weakness and make right your wrong (Matt. 5:21-24).
3. Practice godly and healthy confrontation (Matt. 18:15).
4. Don’t make your partners fault or weakness public (Matt. 18:15).

Matt. 1:19 – By law, Joseph has right to publicly disgrace Mary, but he did not. In every healthy relationship, not everything that is right and legal is right to be done. Sometimes, ‘what is foolish’ in the eyes of others could be the key to your marital joy and happiness. Public confrontation could be sickening and deadly.

5. In your anger, don’t sin. Eph. 4:26, 31-32, Prov. 19:11 ‘Offence must come.’
Provocation certainly comes sometimes unintentionally, but tolerance is a true mark of maturity in every relationship.
Beware of the danger of nursed anger – 2 Samuel 13:22-32; when you breastfeed anger, it becomes a beast. Anger could make any relationship, especially marriage to either become honourable or horrible

Conclusively, we meet people to sow into them; what we give has a way of coming back to us.

• The Ven. Stephen Wolemonwu is the Rector, Ibru Ecumenical Centre, Agbarha-Otor Phone: 08035413812