According to 1 Peter 2:21-23: “For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: ‘Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth,’ who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him, who judges righteously.”

“Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift,” Matthew 5:23-24.

The above scripture points to: you remember some ‘brother’ has something against you; not necessarily you having something against the ‘brother.’ In essence someone is holding a grudge against you; take the initiative for reconciliation before offering your gift to God; which gift could be material or immaterial.
• Be humble enough to forgive and accept your wrong because two wrongs does not make a right. One thing that fights humility is ego. Me, I and myself. No one who is very humble can be arrogant; and no body that is very arrogant can be truly humble (Matt 18:4).
• Avoid in every way possible anything that would trigger offences (Matthew 18:8). If you know it could ginger strife avoid it. The Bible states things that ginger strife. “But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strife,” (2 Timothy 2:23). Proverbs 17:19, “He who loves transgression loves strife, and he who exalts his gate seeks destruction.”

In Matthew 18:8-9; Jesus was not asking us to go physically blind or become crippled; rather to refuse to accept and intentionally neglect those offences to the extent that it does not alter our commitments, and deprive the safety of our soul. There are certain lifestyles that need to be cut off. It is better to be seen humanly, as deformed either psychologically, physically, emotionally than be seen as wise and complete, yet disapproved by God. Be childish in light-heartedness.
• Another thing that leads to offence is despising others; Matthew 18:10-14; to despise others means: to look down on others based on certain factors. It is important to consider everyone as important even those whom may have strayed. Taking pleasure when others fail, fall, stray, offend, can only cause more offences; unless you have God’s likeness and feel how He feels, which is; “for it is not the will of your father in heaven that anyone should parish,” Matthew 18:11-14.

When ‘Brothers’ of same blood, same church, family, relatives, close ties offend you how do you handle it? Go to him; don’t wait for him to come. This is the right biblical approach. Note: the one who moves forward in the face of storm exhibits courage and stamina. You are stronger when you take the lead for peace and reconciliation.

Don’t expect the weak person; ‘that brother’ to accept his wrong. Sometimes the best way to preserve your sanity is to expect less from people. Those who are on the wrong claim right more. They may never accept their wrong because they are weak.

Look for people that will assist to open the offender’s eyes to peace and reconciliation — beware! Whom you chose matters. The person you turn to in the time of crises for counsel, escort, peacemaking, mediating or negotiating can contribute positively to the reconciliation processes or make it worse.

Many relationships have gone ‘beyond’ reconciliation because of the role played by their invited mediators. Many times, people give you counsel borne out of elongated bitterness, unresolved stored animosity and incubated prejudice against leadership, people or creed. Matthew 12:34: “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,” (Luke 6:45); Proverbs 4:23: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Agree to go with the majority opinion on what is right, respect agreement; it swallows conflict. The best possible way of reducing conflict is to have written agreement. Never leave any matter vague.

Conclusively, have the mind-set of ‘always ready to forgive.’ Intentionally, forgive what they have done, what they are doing and what they will do. In Matthew 18:21-22; we are to forgive, and forgive endlessly.

There are two ends to this: when you are forgiven; be careful of developing the mind-set of feeling entitled to forgiveness; therefore, avoid offending others because they will likely forgive you. Jesus said forgive ‘seventy times seventy’ in a day, which means, there’s no limit to forgiveness.
•The Ven. Stephen Wolemonwu PhD, D.D, is Rector, The Ibru International Ecumenical Centre, Agbarha-Otor, Delta State (08035413812)