Going on a first date can be a lot—a mix of excitement and nerves. You might be worrying about what you will wear, where you should go, and the trickiest of them all: what should we even talk about! You don’t want to get tongue-tied, not knowing what to talk about, or having to fill awkward silences.
How important is the first date?
The goal of a first date isn’t just to fill the silence, but to see if your personalities, interests, and basic life philosophies align for a potential second one. It’s important to remember that we can all find it tricky to think of things to say at times, and your date may be experiencing these worries, too. Plus, who knows, you might even bond over those clumsy, slightly uncomfortable moments – they’re just a reminder that you’ve not met before and are giving each other a chance.
The best conversations are a two-way street—a blend of sharing, asking, and genuine listening. On a first date, you want to keep things generally light and positive while still gaining meaningful insight into the person across from you.
These are a few things to discuss on a first date:
Talk about hobbies, talk passion.
Go easy. For starters, this is the gold standard for first date talk. People light up when they talk about what they love. It works perfectly well because it reveals how they spend their time, what brings them joy, and what they value outside of work. It’s also an easy way to find common ground. You can start with “What do you love to do in your free time? or What’s a hobby you’re completely obsessed with right now?”
Up your listening game
We all love to talk about ourselves – but don’t assume your date finds you as interesting as you do. In fact, making it all about you sends the wrong signals. On the other hand, you can’t just switch off and leave all the talking to your date – that’s also a recipe for failure. The trick is to listen intelligently and respond appropriately, such as when we summarize a point and ask a follow-up question, e.g., “So, you spent three months in Lagos, how was that?”
Ask about your date’s family.
As the conversation flows, you might touch on slightly deeper topics that reveal their character and relationship style, but they should be approached gently. Ask generally about siblings, growing up, or their social circle. This can help you learn more about each other’s backgrounds and upbringings without getting into heavy family drama.
Talk about your favourite travel experience.
When you’re on a date, you want to talk with your date since they’re the person you are there with. You don’t want to sit there in awkward silence. One of the best topics to talk about on a first date is the experiences you’ve had traveling! If there’s something you both love doing, that makes talking with each other even more fun. You can both talk about your experiences and connect. It’s a great feeling when you realize that you have the same feelings and interests as the person you’re on a date with! Next time you’re set up on a date, bring up your travel experiences. It’s a great way to be open and honest with the other person!
Notice and ask about the small details.
Practice active listening as they talk. Really focus on trying to understand what they’re saying and feeling rather than trying to think about how you’re going to respond when they stop talking. Then, comment on and validate the things that you’re hearing and noticing about them.
People generally open up more when they’re being seen, heard, noticed, and listened to in the little details of who they are and how they express themselves.
Drop genuine compliments
Another way to show that you’re really paying attention to your partner is by complimenting them—and not just on their looks. A little playful flirting can be fun, but in addition to that, see if you can find ways to compliment your date’s personality or energy. After you’ve been talking for a little bit, see what little things you notice that you really like about being around this person.
“Notice someone’s energy level, their sense of humor, their way of expressing themselves, and celebrate that.
Ask them about their expectations.
If you’re on a date, it only makes logical sense to ask about each other’s dating Expectations. You want to make sure you’re on the same page about what you’re both looking for, whether that’s something casual, something serious, or some other type of relationship.
Talk about your goals and ambitions
You don’t need to give every single detail, but focus on explaining a few key things. Why is this goal important to you? How do you plan to achieve it?
Discussing ambitions helps you both see if you share similar values and ideals. This gives you a quick way to gauge compatibility, and it starts a conversation that’s much more meaningful than discussing trivial things. If your dreams aren’t perfectly aligned, it opens the door to discuss how you might support or compromise in the future.
