By Charles Ighele

Do you always struggle before you say “I am sorry.’’ Do you feel many times that people are just unfair to you? Then you have a problem. When you struggle to apologise, then you have to deal with the spirit of pride and you are the only one that can heal yourself.

A proud person will always see a humbling situation humiliating. He will prefer to argue, wanting the other person to understand and if they refuse, you are hurt and then find it difficult to apologise. It means that you are convinced that you are above making mistakes and that you are a perfect person. But your healing starts the day you realise that you are not perfect and accepting a mistake pointed out to you is all part of growing up and maturity.

Also know that apologising is the beginning of developing a humble spirit.

King David in Psalm 51:17 says: “A broken and a contrite heart thou will not despise.’’

Heal yourself, grow in your spirit, be humble and God will lift you up. One of the complaints we hear from married people is that their spouses do not know how to apologise and if at all they do, they do it without feeling attached. It is so mechanical. It were as if they never apologised at all.

Early in my marriage, my wife and I never found it easy apologising to each other, but as we became more Christ-like and more mature, we trained our spirits to learn how to apologise without struggling to do so. Make your child apologise properly without struggling if not he/she will export this into his/her marriage and future relationships.

Teach your children to apologise to one another when necessary. Teach them to also learn how to apologise to you their parents too when necessary. As a parent, you should also learn to apologise to your children when you need too. Apologising is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength, maturity and sound mind.

Very importantly, couples should learn to say: “I am sorry,’’ not only when quarrel has started, but also as a means of preventing the matter from getting bigger. Remember, “prevention is better than cure.’’ Love you!

• Bishop Charles Ighele is the General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission, Lagos.