By Sunday Ayodele Enikanselu

There is an undeniable fact about human nature: most of us are remarkably good at examining other people while rarely subjecting ourselves to the same scrutiny.

We examine our leaders. We examine our governments. We examine our spouses, children, colleagues, neighbours and friends. We are often quick to identify the weaknesses, mistakes and failures of others.

Yet, when the mirror is turned towards us, many of us suddenly become less GT interested in examination.

We have explanations for almost everything that goes wrong around us. The government is responsible. The economy is responsible. Our employers are responsible. Our spouses are responsible. Our parents are responsible. Our colleagues are responsible. Society is responsible.

Sometimes, these explanations may be justified.

But there is a question that every responsible adult must eventually confront: What about me? What part of my present condition is the result of my own decisions, habits, priorities, attitudes and choices? That question is neither an accusation nor an invitation to blame ourselves for everything that happens in life. Rather, it is an invitation to accept responsibility for the part of our lives over which we have influence.

This is where self-assessment, self-review and self-examination become indispensable.

Every responsible organisation periodically evaluates its performance. Companies audit their accounts.

Banks assess their financial positions. Governments review policies. Schools evaluate performance.

Professionals undergo appraisal.

Yet many adults go through decades of life without conducting a serious review of their own progress, decisions, relationships, character, priorities and direction.

We simply continue. We work. We earn. We spend. We marry. We raise children. We pursue careers. We acquire property. We attend social functions. We solve one problem after another .And the years keep moving.

Then, sometimes in the quietness of retirement, disappointment, personal crisis or old age, a person suddenly asks: “Is this really the life I intended to live?”

That question can be painful. It can also come too late. This is why every adult needs the discipline of self-assessment, self-review and self-examination. They are different but interconnected disciplines of personal management.

Self-assessment asks: Where am I? Self-review asks: How did I get here? Self-examination asks: Who am I becoming? Together, they can provide a powerful compass for navigating the journey of life.

Where Am I?
Self-assessment is the honest appraisal of our present condition. It requires us to take stock of our lives. Where am I professionally? Where am I financially? Where am I intellectually? Where am I physically and emotionally? Where am I in my relationships? Where am I in my family life? Where am I in my contribution to society?

Most importantly: Am I making meaningful progress?
This question is important because progress should not be defined only by money, position or possessions. A person may become wealthy and yet become poorer in character.

Another may occupy a prestigious position while losing the respect and affection of those closest to him.

Someone may build a successful business but destroy his health in the process. Another may acquire impressive academic qualifications but stop acquiring wisdom.

A person may have thousands of followers on social media and yet have nobody with whom he can have a genuinely meaningful conversation. We must therefore be careful about what we call success.

The important question is not merely:“What have I acquired?” It is: “What have I become?”

That is the beginning of genuine self-assessment.

How did I get here?
Knowing where we are is important. Knowing how we arrived there is even more important. That is the purpose of self-review. Self-review requires us to revisit our decisions, habits, relationships, priorities and assumptions. What decisions brought me to where I am today? Which decisions have helped me? Which ones have harmed me? What opportunities did I recognise and pursue? Which opportunities did I ignore? What mistakes have I made repeatedly? What lessons have I actually learnt from my failures? Have I been making decisions based on wisdom, or merely on emotion, pressure, pride, fear and the desire to impress others? These questions become particularly important in Nigeria, where social expectations can exert enormous pressure on individual choices.

From childhood, many of us are taught what success should look like. Get a good education. Get a good job. Build a house. Buy a car. Get married. Have children. Send them to good schools. Acquire social status. Be seen as successful. There is nothing wrong with these aspirations.

The problem begins when a person spends an entire lifetime pursuing a definition of success created by other people without ever asking whether that definition is meaningful to him or her.

Self-review provides an opportunity to pause and ask: “Am I living my own life, or merely performing the life society expects me to perform?” That is a profound question.

Who Am I Becoming?
Self-examination takes us deeper.

Self-assessment looks at our present condition. Self-review looks at our past decisions. Self-examination looks at our character and our emerging identity.It asks who we are becoming beneath our titles, possessions, social standing and public image. Am I becoming more honest? More disciplined? More patient? More compassionate? More responsible? More humble? More tolerant? More courageous? More generous? More grateful? Or, am I becoming increasingly arrogant, impatient, selfish, bitter, intolerant, wasteful and entitled? These are difficult questions because they remove the protection of excuses. But adulthood requires the courage to ask difficult questions. It is possible to deceive other people. It is even easier to deceive ourselves. And self-deception is one of the most dangerous forms of deception because the victim and the perpetrator are the same person.

The Danger Of Blaming Everybody Else
One of the clearest signs that a person needs serious self-examination is the persistent habit of blaming everybody else. The government is responsible. The economy is responsible. My boss is responsible. My colleagues are responsible. My spouse is responsible. My parents are responsible. My friends are responsible. Society is responsible. Sometimes these explanations are valid. Circumstances genuinely affect human lives.

Nigeria’s economic realities, unemployment, insecurity, inflation, inadequate infrastructure and institutional weaknesses can create genuine obstacles for individuals and families. But even when circumstances are difficult, there remains an important question: What is within my control? That question separates responsibility from helplessness. We cannot control everything that happens to us.

But we can control many of our responses. We can improve our knowledge. We can improve our skills. We can change destructive habits. We can manage our time better. We can reconsider our relationships. We can apologise. We can forgive. We can learn. We can save. We can plan. We can change direction. We can begin again.

Personal responsibility does not mean pretending that external circumstances do not matter.It means refusing to allow circumstances to become a permanent explanation for everything that happens in our lives.

Your Life Needs A Performance Review
A company that refuses to review its performance will eventually lose its competitiveness. A bank that never reviews its financial position exposes itself to unnecessary risk. An institution that never evaluates its policies will eventually become irrelevant. Why should a human being assume that his or her life will automatically improve without periodic review? Every adult should occasionally conduct a personal performance review.

Sit down. Remove the noise. Put away the excuses.

Ask yourself some uncomfortable questions.

How is my health? How is my marriage? How are my children? How are my finances? How is my career? How are my friendships? What am I learning? What am I contributing? What am I wasting? What am I tolerating that I should no longer tolerate? What am I doing that I should stop? What am I failing to do that I should start?

And perhaps the most important question: If I continue exactly as I am today for the next ten years, where will I be? That question can be frightening.It can also be transformative.If the answer is not where we want to be, then we have been given something extremely valuable: an opportunity to change direction before the future arrives.

Do Not Wait For A Crisis
Unfortunately, many people only begin serious self-examination when something goes wrong.

A serious illness suddenly makes health important. A failed marriage suddenly makes relationships important. Retirement suddenly makes financial planning important. The death of a close friend suddenly makes mortality real. A financial crisis suddenly exposes years of poor financial management.

A major failure suddenly forces a person to reconsider his decisions. But wisdom should not require disaster before reflection. Why wait for life to force us to ask questions that we could have asked voluntarily? We should examine ourselves when things are going well. We should examine ourselves when things are difficult. We should examine ourselves in our youth. We should examine ourselves in middle age. We should examine ourselves in retirement. Every stage of life presents different responsibilities and different risks. The earlier we identify a problem, the greater our opportunity to correct it.

Age Should Produce Wisdom
Growing older is inevitable. Growing wiser is not. There are people who have lived for decades but have learnt remarkably little from those decades.They have accumulated years without necessarily accumulating wisdom. Age should progressively deepen reflection. A young person may ask: “What do I want to become?” An adult should increasingly ask: “What am I becoming?” An older person should increasingly ask: “What have I contributed?” These are questions of personal evolution. The true measure of a person’s life cannot be reduced to age, wealth, position or possessions. It should also include the quality of his character, the people he has helped, the knowledge he has acquired, the problems he has solved, the lives he has influenced and the legacy he is leaving behind.

Sometimes, You Need To Change Direction
One of the greatest benefits of self-review is that it gives us permission to change. Sometimes we need to change a habit. Sometimes we need to change our priorities. Sometimes we need to change our associations. Sometimes we need to acquire new knowledge. Sometimes we need to apologise. Sometimes we need to forgive. Sometimes we need to leave an environment that is destroying our growth. Sometimes we need to abandon an ambition that no longer serves a meaningful purpose. Sometimes we simply need to start again. There is no shame in changing direction when the original direction has proved wrong. In fact, there is greater wisdom in changing direction than in stubbornly continuing towards the wrong destination simply because we have already travelled a long distance. Past investment should not become a prison. The years already spent on a particular path should not compel us to spend the remaining years on the same path if we have discovered that it is wrong.

The Mirror Test
Perhaps the simplest way to understand self-examination is to think about a mirror. When we stand before a mirror, it does not tell us what we want to hear. It reflects what is there. We should approach our lives in exactly the same way. If we are becoming arrogant, we should admit it. If we are becoming bitter, we should admit it. If we are becoming complacent, we should admit it. If we are wasting our opportunities, we should admit it. If we are neglecting our families, we should admit it. If our priorities are misplaced, we should admit it. But the mirror should also allow us to recognise progress.

If we have become better, wiser, kinder, more disciplined and more responsible, we should acknowledge that too. Self-examination is not an exercise in self-hatred. It is an exercise in self-awareness and self-management.

The Most Important Audit
We hear about financial audits, performance audits, institutional audits and government audits.

But there is another audit that may determine the quality of every other aspect of our lives: the personal audit. Every adult should periodically sit down and audit his or her life. Audit your character. Audit your relationships. Audit your health. Audit your finances. Audit your career. Audit your priorities. Audit your use of time. Audit your contribution. Audit your values. Audit your dreams.

Audit your direction. And above all, audit the person you are becoming. Do not simply count the years you have lived. Ask what those years have produced. Do not merely count your possessions. Ask what value you have created. Do not merely celebrate your position. Ask whether you have used that position responsibly. Do not merely ask whether you are successful. Ask whether your success is producing fulfilment, meaning and positive impact. Life can be busy without being productive. It can be long without being meaningful. It can be financially successful without being personally fulfilling.

And it can look wonderful to the outside world while quietly deteriorating from within. That is why every responsible adult needs the courage to stop occasionally, step away from the noise and look honestly at the road being travelled. Where am I? How did I get here? Where am I going? Who am I becoming? These questions are not signs of weakness. They are signs of maturity. They are the questions of a person who understands that life is too precious to be lived entirely on autopilot. So, before blaming the world, examine yourself. Before condemning others, examine yourself. Before complaining about where life has taken you, examine the decisions that helped take you there. And before asking whether you have succeeded in life, ask the more fundamental question: “Am I becoming the person I ought to become? ”The answer may not always be comfortable. But if we are courageous enough to confront it, it may be the beginning of the most important transformation of our lives. Assess yourself. Review yourself. Examine yourself. Correct yourself. Improve yourself. And keep yourself on course. For ultimately, the most important audit you will ever conduct is the audit of your own life.

Prof. Sunday Ayodele Enikanselu, retired, wrote from Lagos