NOW, therefore, restore the man his wife, for he is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live…” (Genesis 20 vs 7).

“Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone; if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother” (Matthew 18 vs 15).

Many of our readers write to tell us about damaged or broken relationships, even marriages, and wonder if they can get back their partners, not just into the relationship, but into the passion and affection they once had together.

Can former love be won again? Can they return after they have left? Do you want them to? The answer is yes. I like the way Jesus said it: “Thou hast GAINED thy brother.”

There are people in our lives that should never leave. It is not always true that if people leave, they were not meant to be in the first place. I personally don’t think so, especially when they are legally and truly married.

I wonder what any woman can do to a man to make him drive away his wife as bad as what Eve did to Adam. But they lived together, had their children and shared their sorrows. They had a role to play and they did. Just imagine Adam got angry and divorced Eve!

So, I believe that because there are challenges or we had a separation does not mean we are never supposed to be together. It might just mean something went wrong.

Lot left Abraham. Judas betrayed Jesus. Demas left Paul. People leave, but some of them are not meant to.

Imagine the one we call the prodigal Son. He left, but he came back. There is something about marriages that has a divine blueprint in it.

Where severe damages have accrued in a relationship that once was blissful, it will take time to clear the field before cultivating the love.

Nothing in life ever comes without a price. Time is one. To undo weeks or months or years of damage and their toll on relationship will require patience and care. In time, you can win almost anyone’s heart by using the correct methods.

Remember that you may win a heart, but may never be able to change its nature or character.

First, decide if it is worth fighting for. Don’t just go after someone you don’t really need or not willing to live with. Winning someone back will require a lot of emotional and mental strength. A lot may eventually go in to it.

Check how much damage that been done and how much effort will be required to fix it. Emotional relationships are very fragile.

Did you neglect to build up your companion or friend with words of praise and appreciation? Were you generous with hugs and other non-sexual signs of physical affection? Were you critical or manipulative? Did you speak disrespectfully or were you treated with disdain?

Address these questions and more like it. You have to be brutally honest with yourself. Don’t be in denial. Then, are you willing to do whatever it takes? Do you know how to let go? After you answer these questions, we consider the next step.

Try becoming a better person. The better you are, as a person, the more irresistibly you eventually become. Realise that no one is perfect, but we should make positive, meaningful progress towards it.

Check your strength and weakness and accept them. Acknowledge your weakness, admit it and act on improving and overcoming it. Don’t live in fantasy. It will run you.

Also, be willing to change and grow. Once you have a fair idea of what you have done wrong, the next step is trying to figure out what can be done to rectify the problem (and not repeat it). What changes can be made? How can you make certain changes?

Again, it is a good idea to jot down all the thoughts that come to mind. Show your partner you have changed. Then start a healing conversation.

There are times when things are so bad you don’t even know what to say. Don’t worry. Eliminate your tendencies to judge and just listen, withhold criticism.

Show consideration. Say whatever you have to in order to draw out the person’s feelings. Avoid being contentious. Try to be as calm and as sincere as possible. Maintain control.