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Importance of coaching in your marital life

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Lanre Olusola

Tosin and Damilola have been married for thirteen (13) years with two (2) kids together. They are both very involved at their places of work, but at the same time, they try to make out time for family bonding. From an outsider’s point of view, they had the perfect marriage having two (2) intelligent kids who were always top of their classes; and well-paying jobs with opportunities to travel. They were living large and seemed ‘happy’.

Sooner than later, the couple started experiencing a lack of intimacy in their marriage. In a bid to save their marriage, which looked like it was about to crumble, they created a calendar for Sex and Family bonding. However, all of these were futile. Tosin and Damilola did not want to involve a third party into their marital issue, because as the saying goes “Three is a Crowd”. Over the months that followed, their differences deepened which caused Tosin to involve a third party – Dorothy – as she once had a similar experience in her marriage. After their conversation, Dorothy linked Tosin to her Life Coach, stating that He (The Life Coach) was the sole reason her marriage is as strong as ever.

Tosin and Damilola booked an appointment with the Life Coach, and after series of sessions, they were able to work through their differences, heal, forgive and get their marriage back on track. Just as Tosin and Damilola were able to achieve harmony in their marriage through Life Coaching, you too can attain this and much more.

Why is Life Coaching essential?
A Life Coach is an individual who guides you from where you are, to where you desire to be. Life Coaching unlocks, empowers and enhances an individual’s potential wellbeing, growth, performance and personal learning. Some couples look at coaching as a sign that you and your partner are failing in your relationship. The truth is that, involving a Life Coach is a sign that you and your partner know you are having troubles, but do not want to give up. It is an important step to success, and not failure.
Marriage is a union of two people, and the goal of every marriage is happiness, unity, love, joy and peace. This is where coaching comes in; coaching helps your marriage or relationship, move from where it is, to the desired and much better state you envisioned. One in two marriages all over the world is ending in divorce, while seven out of ten marriages in Nigeria are ending in one form of separation or the other. Coaching has helped to solve many marital issues, such as: Finance, Intimacy, Extended family support, Issue of Kids Etc. Through coaching, conflicts are unraveled, which gives room to healing and forgiveness.

Why coaching works:
When you and your partner are trying to fix your problems, you are on the inside looking at the issue. You do not see the things that you are doing, but you do see the things that your partner is doing. You feel slighted and insulted when your partner tells you that they do not like something you do because it feels like an attack from his or her end. When you get the help of a professional however, it is easier to listen to what they have to say because they are on the outside looking in. A Life Coach is able to give you an objective view of your relationship. They can see what each of you are doing right and what each of you are doing wrong. They can also see things that may not be right or wrong in general, but are not working for your relationship. With an objective person telling you what is happening, helping you understand what your partner is saying and them to understand what you are saying, it can be a lot easier for the two of you to start listening to one another and working through the problem(s).

Some tips to building a healthy marriage include:
1. Be intentional about spending time together talking.
2. Use more “I” statements and less “You” statements. This decreases the chances of your spouse feeling like they need to defend themselves.
3. Be specific. When issues arise, be specific. Broad generalizations like, “You do it all the time!” are not helpful.
4. Avoid Mindreading.
5. Listen without being defensive. For a marriage to succeed, both spouses must be able to hear each other’s complaints without getting defensive.
6. Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships, and people who value marriages.
7. Choose to love.
8. Put your spouse first: It nurtures trust, gratitude, generosity, and affection. It can also lead to physical intimacy.
9. Start over from scratch.
10. Stop taking one another for granted.
11. Pray for your spouse.
12. Get Help.
13. Change the patterns.

Love is as much a choice, as it is an emotion. Resolve marriage and Life challenges while strengthening your ability to create positive change by registering for our Emotional Freedom Technique Masterclass (EFT), which holds from the 22nd to the 23rd of October 2018, and also our Life Coaching Program which takes place from the 15th to the 21st October 2018. For more details, please call us on 08077077000 or send an email to info@olcang.com


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