5 Reasons Why Women Settle
Your friend Ngozi, almost bothering on 30, says yes off the bat to the first man who holds the door for her. “He’s the nicest man I have ever met,” she says. You look up to this strong, graceful and confident woman the world knows her to be, only for a video to go viral, displaying how her husband uses her face for target practice.
We have heard familiar stories about women being put in a position to choose her job or her relationship. And in a society where patriarchy thrives, this is all too familiar. Honey, you’re about to forgo this once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity because your boyfriend feels it would distract you from being a good wife in the future. Different scenarios, but the question is obvious: why do women settle?
Insecurities are a mixture of low self-esteem, emptiness, fear of abandonment, and rejection. It’s a cocktail of deadly poison that most women sip from until they can fully delude themselves that being in constant pain, trauma, and sadness is normal. Some even go as far as rationalising the whole situation by telling themselves that they deserve it.
The pressure of getting married early doesn’t get worse than this. In an African home, especially if you are female, it is the unwritten rule that before 25 latest 29, you must have brought a suitor home to your parent. Anything above that age range, and it is presumed that something is wrong with you as a female. So the race to bag the marriage certificate, most especially in my motherland is tight.
The belief we can change people
Nobody believes they can change a man like a woman in love. She squints her eyes just enough not to see the red flags. She believes one day if she tries really hard by putting in daily prayers, quotes and motivational speeches here and there, the man of her reality would one day become the man of her dreams. According to psychiatrist Dr Margaret Seide, M.D., bad boys are not inclined to settle down into monogamy so easily. “If you can convince one to commit, it can feel like quite an accomplishment,” she says.
When sex happens, it is believed that there is a spiritual bond, a connection on a deeper level between the two partners, known as soul ties. Because of soul ties and fear of living in shame. Most ladies prefer to stay in a relationship that is detrimental to them than leave.
”I don’t like peace. I always want problems “ is a popular meme that serves as the basis for this scenario. Some people prefer to stay in toxic relationships because they find peace in toxic situations. They thrive on the worm-hole of toxicity that is supposed to suck the existence out of a person mainly because they are familiar with toxic scenarios, thus the feeling of peace. These kinds of people relate pain, trauma and sadness to pleasure, affection and care. A deadly misconception on their part, if you ask me.
In celebrating International Women’s Day (IWD), we come in contact with the strong, beautiful, goddess, magnificent being that is a woman. We remind ourselves what it takes to be a woman, and the power enshrined in our ability to give life. These and many other reasons are why we should never take ourselves for granted. Are these above reasons mentioned above enough reasons to settle? Do you believe that this goes both ways and men also settle?