When Siblings Behave Differently

Have you ever looked at a sibling and wondered how someone that you share DNA with could be so different from you? A lot of times, siblings fight over something trivial like who gets the toy inside a pack of cereal and it means nothing. But sometimes, there are fights that kind of establish who they are as a person. These fights highlight significant differences in their individual characters and will eventually influence the way the siblings will relate.

There are a few theories that explain why siblings behave differently, like environment, some genetics, and labelling often done by parents. But that’s not what I’m here to write about. In watching the most recent TMNT movie – Out of the Shadows – a crucial scene in the sub-plot made me realise something. We all consciously or subsconsciouly expect our siblings to act a certain way. When they behave differently from the expectations we have set for them, it affects very deeply and, sometimes, on a long-term basis. Most importantly, it affects the way we relate to our siblings and often cause sibling rivalry.

Personally, I’ve had a lot of difficulty with my own siblings; my older brother more specifically. We fought a lot growing up because we are like two opposing polar ends where personality is concerned. However, we get along fine today because we were able to put aside the things that make us different and build a healthy relationship.

Here’s how you can maintain a healthy relationship even when your siblings behave differently –

Understand that this is normal

Yes, two siblings are more alike than two random strangers, but this is mostly in relation to genetics and the environment in which you are brought up. Asides this, you might not have much in common with your siblings at all. My brother and I were so different, we could barely tolerate each other. Growing up, he was the artsy, playful, very social one, and I was always more focused on reading and writing, and generally just keeping to myself. It was difficult, but I eventually came to accept that this is who he is essentially and stopped expecting him to be more like me.

Always talk things out

Once you understand that it’s normal for your siblings to behave differently, you’ll understand that some of the things they do that upset you aren’t done with the intention of making you feel bad. Instead of holding on to these feelings of hurt and anger, make a habit of talking things out. When you let your siblings know how you feel about a hurtful action, they can make deliberate efforts to not behave that way. In my case, my brother was always the one to make the effort to make amends – I’m ashamed to say. Thankfully, his willingness to keep the peace – another one of his character traits – made sure we never fought for too long.

Focus on the similarities instead of the differences

At the end of the day, it really shouldn’t matter that one or two of your siblings behave differently from the way that you do. All that matters is that you are family. Focus on all the things you have in common instead of dwelling on the differences. Do you love the same games or food? Do you hang out with the same people? Do you both enjoy watching particular shows? My brother and I both loved reading comics growing up, and we shared a comic book collection. We always had tonnes to talk about once it came to cartoons and cartoon related-things.