4 Things You Should Not Say To Your Significant Other
Experts say there are certain comments that are particularly poisonous to a partnership, which affects bonding over time. To enjoy endless joyous moments with your partner, beware of these relationship-wrecking phrases
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to make sweeping statements such as, “It’s always you all the way” “You never think about what I want”. There are two reasons why this statement is toxic: First, it is judgmental, and really, no one likes to be judged. Second, they automatically put your partner on the defensive side. For instance, all your partner has to do is find one example to deny, counter or make your statement untrue. Ultimately also, this derails the discussion rather than getting at the heart of the problem. “If you say, ‘You always do this,’ then the argument becomes ‘No, I don’t always do that”. There’s no choice for your spouse, but to defend his or herself.”
“It’s Not My Fault”
Constantly blaming something or someone in a relationship is like dodging responsibility and playing the victim always. Your partner is forced to take compassion and some other times, feels you are playing smart on him or her. When you have a relationship, you’re going to be constantly compromising. Along the way, there will be times you step on the next person’s toes, tread on each other’s boundaries, and sometimes it might be both partners’ fault. The ability to say “I’m sorry” makes a huge difference. But when you say it wasn’t your fault, it sends the message to your partner that you’re not willing to take ownership of your mistakes and there is no hope that you too can get a better life together with this attitude. Just admit your fault, say sorry and mean it!
“I Am Sorry But”
This is an apology that’s not really an apology. If your partner brings a complaint about you to you, acknowledge that the complaint is something that made him or her feel bad. When you apologize and then immediately justify your action, you are not really apologizing, you are rather explaining why you think the thing you did was not really wrong.Try to see the situation from your partner’s perspective; think about how and why your actions may have impacted negatively on your spouse regardless of what you think about the purity of your intentions, and apologise.
When someone is upset, they aren’t going to calm down because they are upset. By saying “calm down” or using the phrase “relax”, you’re more likely to enrage your spouse the more. Instead of doing so, do this instead; Come from a position of sympathy: Saying something like, “I can see that this is really upsetting you, and I want to find a way to solve this”. This makes your spouse see that you understand the way they feel, and you really want to help. After all, the point of being in a relationship is that you’re in it together.