Navigating Shark Infested Waters Of Online Dating
There is a certain reaction people get when they mention that they exist on a couple of online dating sites. It’s that kind of look you give to a potential serial killer, the one who tells you in a moment of unsolicited confidence he enjoys killing cats and dismembering them.
Yes, that: The look of horror, shock and a mix of pity thrown in. Perhaps, they would get more understanding looks if they had a premium subscription to high-end porn sites. It is, however, uncertain whether the reaction would be any less different in other settings.
Online dating as a phenomenon still makes quite several people uncomfortable. It’s difficult to imagine why, though. You would think that the many-sided impact of COVID-19 on human interactions would have red carpets rolled out in its honour.
Taking the plunge recently, with an online dating application opened my eyes to a whole new world and I mean that quite literally. It’s not a decision to take lightly, but after going through a list of my strengths and weaknesses and decided that the initial decision to turn oneself into a social butterfly would require more time, energy and resources than ready to commit.
The psychology of online dating is quite different from face-to-face dating, and it can be absolutely daunting, sometimes, but, here are a few tricks learned that can help you navigate the waters like a
Define what you are looking for: Some dating apps are there to give you herpes and others are there to give you hope, take your pick. Seriously though, you need to know what you want before you dive into these waters. Are you looking to make friends in other countries? A chat pal? What do you want to walk away with from the dating app?
Defining what you want will really make things a whole lot easier: Think of it this way, online dating is a vast sea filled with all kinds of things. You don’t plan for snorkelling and wearing a bikini; you get my drift? When you know what you want, you can easily find the app that caters to it.
You get what you pay for: This is not a hard and fast rule. Yes, online apps must make money and the subscription features of quite a number of these apps can be frustratingly limiting. Some of the apps restrict you to your location and others basically make it hard for you to see beyond a certain number of persons who are interested in connecting with you. My advice? Like with most things in life, quality is determined by how much you invest. There is only so much quality the free services of these apps can offer. Make the mental note to possibly upgrade in the long run.
Treat the journey like an adventure: For some, it is quite a rude shock when people considered their specs so to speak but did not like them back. This is initially interpreted as rejection and they wade through some gloomy thoughts, wondering if something was wrong with them. People tend to treat online dating differently from face-to-face dating and it is a bit different in practice, but the principle is basically the same.
Like a wise marriage counsellor once said, someone who loves beans and decides to eat only beans is not a slur on the quality and taste of rice; the person just loves beans. In other words, everyone on an online dating app has an objective that is fueled by their tastes and preferences, just like you.
So don’t treat online dating with the mindset of “it’s here or nothing,”it’s just one of the many ways that you will get to meet a wide variety of people. Begin to see it as a foray into different cultures and worlds, especially with the ones that have travel options. You could have travelled to six countries and while the pickings are slim, the journey is quite interesting. Overall, treat online dating like it should be treated, as a diverse and unique way of meeting new people and learning new things. As the great Albert Einstein said, “when we stop learning, we start dying.”