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Surely, you must be joking your excellency

By Sam Umukoro
13 November 2021   |   2:39 am
“How are you my brother?’’ “I am fine, just sad about some of the stories from home.” “It doesn’t bother me anymore, hopefully we would get it right someday.’’ “I hope so, I really pray we get it right and do the right things.’’ “When did you become a prayer warrior? While you are hoping…

“How are you my brother?’’

“I am fine, just sad about some of the stories from home.”

“It doesn’t bother me anymore, hopefully we would get it right someday.’’

“I hope so, I really pray we get it right and do the right things.’’

“When did you become a prayer warrior? While you are hoping and praying, I read in the news last week that a man wants to be national women leader of one of the political parties.’’

“Is he a comedian? I am sure he is joking.”

“My guy, the man is not joking. According to the news report, the 26-year old man said he is contesting for the position of the national women leader because he wants to help women.’’

Hehehe, Naija na real cruise, I really don’t want to believe this your story.’’

“Not done and to further buttress his point, the man said and I quote: ‘Ever since I was a child, when I see a woman in need of help, I try to help her – like helping women to carry their load or buying them something.’ And that is why he wants to be the female leader of his party.’’

“This is ridiculous, ludicrous, it is preposterous, completely absurd!’’

“Be speaking grammar there, anything can happen. Did you ever think that a snake could be accused of embezzlement? Guess what? It was reported that this is not the first time the young man is vying for a position exclusively reserved for women. He reportedly contested for the post of women leader in a political group loyal to the former governor of his state.”

“Sincerely, I am sure the young man is joking.”

“I will send you the news story, trust me he is dead serious about his ambition. He is very confident that women will vote for him and that God created him to guide the affairs of women.’’

“Please, the governor of the state should appoint him Special Assistant, Women Affairs. Seriously, in this era where some of us are saying that women are underrepresented and campaigning for the acceleration of gender balance, a man wants to occupy a post meant for a woman. He must be a comedian.’’

“In other news, also from the same state, it was reported that the governor just commissioned a major project.”

“Oh, that is very good, I like to hear about the dividends of democracy”

“Now you are being sarcastic.”

“Not at all, I really like to see infrastructural development and policies that will benefit the average man and woman.”

“The project His Excellency commissioned is not what you have in mind.’’

“But you said it is a major project?’’

“Yes, because it was launched with fanfare, pomp and pageantry.’’

“Hehehe, I haven’t heard of pomp and pageantry in a long while, it just reminded of the taxi driver who asked if I wanted to go to a disco, man is still stuck in a time warp.’ Anyway what is the big project.’’

“He commissioned a car wash’’

“No this is a joke’’

“It was all over social media”

“I don’t believe this, it is fake news and a joke.”

“There is a video of His Excellency using a water pump and people jubilating at this major feat.’’
“I still don’t want to believe this.’’

“Why are you in disbelief? Didn’t you hear of the governor who empowered some people his state with eba and soup?’’

“Surely you are joking, please let’s move on to another topic. By the way, Arsenal is doing very well now.’’

“My guy, change your club, you are in an abusive relationship with Arsenal. Why do you like pain, Arsenal would soon start losing again.”

“I am a gooner for life!”

“Story for the gods.”

“Just like the stories you just told me now.”

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