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We, the online in-laws

By Sam Umukoro
06 August 2022   |   2:31 am
Well, again not our fault. I am working so hard to save some money to invest in real estate in Lagos. Let’s leverage the current situation to become landlords


“How are you?’’
“I am very fine”
“Of course, you are very fine. All you ‘abroad people’ must be happy with the current exchange rate.”
“It is not our fault. We are not responsible for the Naira. I pray the situation of things improve.”
“Please don’t patronise me, with the exchange rate now, if you come to the country with two thousand pounds, you are a big boy “

“Well, again not our fault. I am working so hard to save some money to invest in real estate in Lagos. Let’s leverage the current situation to become landlords.”
“Aha, see, the exchange rate situation is working for your good”
“My brother, emilokan; it is my turn to be a landlord in Banana Island or maybe Ikoyi”
“(Laughing out loud) At least as a landlord nobody will kick you out of your house over failure to pay rent or on account of infidelity.”

“Hahaha, infidelity? How?”
“Didn’t you hear about the man who was kicked out of the house by his wife?”
“No, I did not, but why do people bring their marital palaver to social media? Is it for validation?”
“I will say validation amongst other things …”
“What other things?”
“To gain sympathy and seize the narrative by being the first to bring it to the court of public opinion.”
“But really, who cares about other peoples’ marital squabbles?”
“You don’t care but I can assure you that many people care, especially the association of online in-laws”
“Of which you are a proud member I presume”
“No, not me, it is my missus who is a duly registered member of the association.”
“(Laughing out Loud) I can only imagine the consequence of her membership”

“My guy, endless gist about marital issues reported online. The latest one is about the dancer who complained that despite giving her estranged husband different styles in bed, he still left her.”
“Please what kind of notion is that?”
“Be speaking grammar there. Reportedly, the dancer said she gave different sexual positions with her full chest and that did not keep the man”
“What do you mean full chest? No pun intended; I presume…”
“Well, that is what she said, I don’t know if it’s intentional, but have you seen a picture or video of the dancer.”

“Not at all, why?”
“She is well endowed in that front region…”
“I hope your missus is within earshot now”
“No, she is not even at home. we can speak freely”
“You can speak freely; you are the one talking about a certain endowment in admiration.”
“Please don’t spread fake news, I only provided further explanation for context. Anyway, the online in-laws have become judge and jury of the matter. Their verdict is that sex is powerful, but it is not the only ingredient for a successful marriage.”

“Well, I agree with the verdict of the online in-laws”
“(Laughing) I know you will agree with the verdict”

“The verdict is spot on, okay tell me, why didn’t you marry that girl in the university, what’s her name again? Remember the one in our final year that drove you insane with different styles…”
“Oga, off the mic, missus just walked in. We will revisit this topic.”

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