“STOP letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions”- Will Smith
One of the most abused vocabularies in ‘youth’s dictionary’ is ‘dating. ’ It has been so much abused that it has now become synonymous with ‘mating’! Don’t ever date someone that you never intend to marry, it is a bad experiment. A lot of youths have done experiments with sex in a bit to validate their love in a relationship. Sympathetically, it always ends in guilt, shame and low-self-esteem. Do not lose yourself in a bid to find someone else’s acceptance and don’t wander away from yourself to get close to somebody else. Most times, in a bid to find other people’s acceptance, we neglect the most important thing in life – finding ourselves.
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No matter the cost involved, don’t defile yourself to defend your love for someone because whatever you compromise to keep, you will eventually lose. Defilement comes in different ways. A wrong relationship will ultimately defile your purpose, vision, dreams, mind and your body. Relationships, whether they are casual or committed, deserve to be approached in a clear and communicative way that allows the people in the relationship to set their boundaries and expectations about the partnership. Even if it may be hard and uncomfortable, there is an importance in being able to clarify your needs, desires and boundaries in your relationship, which will allow both partners to be able to understand each other and be on the same page.

Most relationship errors are avoidable if we actually take proper time to define them. Defining the relationship is the key to creating healthy boundaries, communication, and a relationship that is built on trust and vulnerability. Having the answers to what your relationship is defined as will allow you to have more emotional stability in the relationship, and as time goes on, it will open the doors to other conversations about your future.

There is no more honour in a marriage when the couple had already become bed mates before becoming soul-mates. The scripture says that marriage is honourable only when the bed remains undefiled. The doom of many marriages is that so many people become bed mates long before becoming best of friends. In any relationship, don’t ever defile yourself to defend your love for anybody.

Kushand wisdom said, “Physical attractions are common, but a real mental connection is rare. If you find it, hold onto it”. So many youths have lost their marital destination because they chose to feed their ‘flesh’ and sexual appetites more than they long to feed their souls. You go wrong when you start ‘sleeping’ with someone you are not married to. This is because sex distorts your sense of judgment, muddles up your emotions, makes you emotionally vulnerable and beclouds you from discovering all you need to know about your partner.

Any relationship that is not defined will end up defiling you! One critical aspect of relationships that I wish to underline and emphasize is the aspect of healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries produce healthy relationships, and a lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. When you tell your partner to stop, are they angry, or don’t just respect your opinion? It is a great evidence of abuse later in the relationship. What is important in relationships is that we respect each other’s boundaries.

One of the core of healthy relationships is healthy boundaries. We must express our affection in a way that the receiver feels safe and secure. To force a dating partner to go beyond these boundaries is never an act of love but rather a sign of perpetual abuse, and this portends great danger for the future of any relationship. You cannot respect someone if you cannot respect their boundaries. There must always be something that is forbidden in a healthy relationship, and it is good to know that the decision not to have your partner touch you in forbidden places may mean the end of the relationship, but the decision is worthwhile.
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Dear young lady/man, have you really defined him/her? Is he/she your ‘purpose’ partner or ‘sexual’ partner? Does he/she inspire your latent abilities or inspire your sexual urge? A relationship that is centred on sex is doomed even before it began. Don’t join the club of youths that end up defiling themselves to defend their love. It doesn’t really worth it on the long run. So many youths have become victims of relationship decoys and have lost their marital destination because they chose to feed their ‘flesh’ and sexual appetites more than they long to feed their ‘souls’.

Stay away from emotional manipulators. Manipulators would always get angry at you for setting boundaries. Manipulative people do not understand the concept of boundaries. They are relentless in the pursuit of what they want, even at the expense of your joy, and they have no regard for who gets hurt along the way. There is nothing worse than trying to live or get along with manipulative persons. Everything has to go their way or you suffer the consequences. The moment you put a stop to people taking advantage of you and disrespecting you is when they define you as difficult, selfish and crazy. Manipulators hate boundaries!

Dear single lady, he needs to first be your soul-mate before he can qualify to be your bed-mate. Don’t devalue yourself. If he loves you enough, he will wait for you. Abstinence before marriage is not old-fashioned but God-fashioned. Train yourself to always cut-off from every relationship that is inimical to your growth, values, and peace of mind, no matter the cost. Cutting off certain people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them; it simply means you respect yourself. Stop opening yourself up to every Tom, Dick, and Harry! Stay pure before marriage; it is a form of deep respect for yourself and your future partner.
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