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I, desperately, need a solution

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Please, I need your advice on how to handle this situation.

I am a 35-year-old man in a dilemma right now. I initiated a marriage process (we have only done the marriage registry) of my then friend out of pity and to cover shame when she got pregnant.

Meanwhile, we had been on and off for about two and a half years. I never really like her much for a life companion, but she kind of refused to go, and me being alone and introverted and also not being firm with my asking her to leave me alone, whenever she travelled down from Port Harcourt to my place, she comes at night, I allow her to stay over and she goes back. This, she made a routine until she got pregnant.

All these while, I have tried to know her health status and if she was taking any drug, but she always told me NO.

Fast forward today of delivery of the child, the doctors were surprised I didn’t know about her HIV status and had to ask her to either inform me or they would in order to authorise a Caesarian Section (CS) or continue with vaginal delivery.

That knowledge broke me down. Although she was treating herself all these while and had been positive since 2013, as the doctors told me, and therefore had an undetectable viral load, making her unable to infect me, I felt deceived. The little “love” I was trying to build following the pregnancy has died and we now quarrel often. Yet, I cannot say the real things causing it in order to avoid stigmatisation by family members.

She said she didn’t tell me because I would have left her if she did. I really don’t know what to do.

I am ashamed of myself for allowing her to deceive me and starting an unhappy marriage.

Please, advise me.


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