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I really messed up

By Guardian Nigeria
18 February 2023   |   12:53 am
I’ve been married for over a year to a man that I’ve known for almost nine years. Our relationship has been rocky from the start. I decided to marry him because I loved him, or so I thought.

I’ve been married for over a year to a man that I’ve known for almost nine years. Our relationship has been rocky from the start. I decided to marry him because I loved him, or so I thought. He cheated on me before we got married. He also abused me. However, the abuse and cheating have stopped, as far as I know. Well, except sometime ago, when he said he tried to contact the girl he slept with but she didn’t answer. This was just a few weeks ago.

When I found out about the cheating, I was heartbroken. We weren’t married when his cheating attitude began. I didn’t find out until after we got married.
We lost a child at birth the year before our marriage and the cheating was happening after this. I was disturbed emotionally and sought the comfort of another man. About a week ago, I found out that I’m pregnant with the other man’s child. My husband knows I’m pregnant, but of course, thinks it’s his.
Our marriage isn’t great and I’ve just made it worse. I don’t know if I should have an abortion or keep the baby. My husband and I tried desperately for a child, but she died at birth and one round of In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) was unsuccessful. This time, it happened immediately. I was careless and stupid for thinking it wouldn’t happen that easily.

Telling my husband the absolute truth is not an option! It’s either keep the baby and tell my husband nothing, or abort. The man I’m pregnant for knows and says he is willing to go along with whatever I decide. He’s not someone that I think I’ll end up with in the long run, although he is a nice guy. He understands the predicament and isn’t sure what is best either. We are both scared and unsure.

I will never sleep with another man while I am married. I sincerely regret the chaos I have caused, and need help in finding direction. This is the hardest decision in my life.
Advice: Please, dear readers, mail your comments, reactions or true love stories, quiz or personal experience u wish to share to this email: simonclar

For marriage counselling, please call Simon on 07032944123.
Lovers’ Answers Game: The rule: Ask the opposite sex one question about love.
This week’s question: Kemi is asking all men whether they can go ahead to marry a lady who dumped them, had a child for another man, then later comes back to apologise.
Call 07032944123 to send your question or answers.
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I Never Thought I Could Do Such …
I DECIDED to share my story with the hope of getting some useful advice.
I am married with two kids and made some terrible decisions. I got in a relationship with another married man (he also has two kids). Two weeks after the first time we were together, I found out I was pregnant though I was on the pill. When I told him, he said: “We will figure it out”.

He talked about “our five kids” and where we would live. I was so emotional during the first 13 weeks and went along with his idea that we should wait and do a paternity test once the baby is born. He has always claimed that if it’s “ours” he would love to be there for his baby.

I know I am a horrible person and I hate myself for it. I never thought I could do something like this. I’ve had great pregnancies and this one I’ve just been depressed and haven’t gained any weight. I’m 18 weeks now. I’m going for counselling because I now know that there had to be something wrong with me to be able to make such a choice, when I had a great marriage already.

This decision will devastate my husband. I am going to tell him because he deserves to know. I tried to come clean before but he convinced me not to because “why should we tell if we aren’t sure who the father is yet.” I know I am stupid. This is a man whose wife pays all the bills. The house is in her name and they are building a new one. He made sure I knew he had everything to lose if I opened my mouth so I felt guilty and kept quiet. He is not planning on telling his wife, unless he confirms the baby is his. I have had mixed feelings on whether one should tell the wife or leave it. I’m fine with telling her if it’s the right thing to do, but I just don’t want to make things worse, especially when I’m not sure if the baby is his or my husband’s.