Is my marriage in Jeopardy? I don’t know what to do…
I have been married to my husband for a couple of months but we have been together a little while. I am 23 years and he is 41 years of age. He’s a divorcee. A few months before my husband and I started dating, I went wild just drinking and acting stupid. I was still a virgin when I met my husband. We had multiple discussions during which he asked me about my past but being from a Christian family, I was extremely hard on myself for all the mistakes I had made so I felt if I hated myself for mistakes I had made he would judge me as well.
So, I decided not to tell him. Later on he found out about the guys I’d hooked up with and how stupid I acted when I used to get drunk. He told me it wasn’t my choice to make the decision to keep my past from him and I should have been open and told him because if he knew everything, he probably wouldn’t have married me. I have been a great wife and I tell him everyday how much I love him and I am hateful at times but I try my hardest to show him I trust him. He works mostly at nights and he thinks I’m going to cheat on him all the time, but it never crossed my mind. I’m completely committed to him but he won’t realise that.
The reason I didn’t want to tell him is because I’m not the person who made those mistakes. I’m a good person and a great wife. I feel I’ve destroyed my marriage by lying to him about the things I was ashamed of. I want a family and I’m just scared my husband is never going to love me the same. Because his ex cheated on him, he goes through my history and phone and is always looking for me to hurt him when I would never hurt him in a million years.
I get tired of everything coming up and feel that if it’s that hard for him to love somebody with their past mistakes, even if they were ashamed and kept them from him, then he does not truly love them. I can’t tell him that because he gets mad and flips out. When we fight, he says hurtful things out of anger, though the things he says he doesn’t mean. I’ve always forgiven him and never brought them up because it’s my fault he’s mad for not being honest. But I am and have been completely honest especially since we’ve gotten married. I’m just stressed to the max and I feel like my marriage is already falling apart. I don’t know what to do
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