The Right Man For You

THERE is a saying that goes thus: “If you have to force it or justify a relationship, then you probably shouldn’t be in it!” 

  I always say it, but it is usually always met with the saying, “well, that is easier said than done.” 

  I am sure we can all relate, because at some point or another, you were in a situation that you knew in your gut probably was not right, but you went against your intuition because you thought you could make it work. 

  It has happened to me countless times. 

  Well, here are a few familiar scenarios, where, if you are dating and you find yourself trying to “make it work,” then you might just want to reconsider.

The person is financially unstable and/or with career

  He is cute, the chemistry is great, but he is also flat BROKE!  I cannot tell you how many times I have seen this scenario and it has not turned out well. 

  I know your friends are telling you to be open-minded and to give the person a chance. However, I am not saying be a shallow person, but what I am saying is that financial instability can put a big strain on a person and a relationship. 

  It is very hard for someone to bring his or her best self to a relationship if that person has not quite gotten secure on the financial front. 

  It usually starts out fine in the beginning stages because the dopamine is flowing and the chemistry is electric, but eventually, reality sets in and you become resentful because you find yourself paying for everything all the time, or while you leave to go to work every day, she is still lying in the bed.   

  Allow someone to feel secure as an individual before you ask him/her to become secure in a relationship with you.

You are not physically attracted

  If there is no physical connection between you and someone you could potentially date, there might not ever be, and that is not good. 

  Again, I am not saying be shallow, but attraction is important. Your friends keep trying to hook you up with people who are “different,” but you are not attracted to any of them. Eventually, you give one of these folks a chance, but that spark is still absent. 

  Well, instead of being honest with yourself, you try to force it to work. Well, it was all good for a while until you realised that you were looking for a lover and not a friend. 

  The fact of the matter is that physical attractiveness is a key to intimacy, so while it is okay to be open-minded, you should not try to force yourself to be attracted to someone if you are not.

The person is still involved

  Okay, listen people, it does not matter how separated someone is, the truth is that if the person is not divorced, then he or she is married. THAT IS IT!  No gray area on this one. 

  If a marriage is truly over, then you seeing papers that prove that should not be a problem. I know you keep being told “it is complicated,” but you do not have to get involved in that complication.  

  Eventually, you are going to want that person all to yourself with no if, ands or buts about it, so make sure the person you are seeking is completely free and clear past relationships. 

  Nothing hurts as bad as you giving someone your all, but you are only getting half of that person in return, because the other half is still caught up with someone else.

  I understand that a lot of things are easier said than done, but many times we put ourselves in situations that we know will probably not turn out so great. 

  If you see smoke, then there is probably fire, so do yourself a favour and put it out before it gets out of control.

  I need you to remember two things: Choose Wisely and When It is Right, It is Easy. 

  To the loving relationship we all deserve, good luck in love and life. Cheers!