What Women Want

“AND I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. 

  “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and THY DESIRE SHALL BE TO THY HUSBAND, and HE SHALL RULE OVER THEE…” (Genesis 3: 15-16).

  It hurts me when I realise that much of the above verse hasn’t changed for the woman. She has a mortal enemy, and her only protection is her husband. He is her head, her ruler and her protector. 

  The only way a woman can bear all that is against her is if she can feel the love of her husband. The woman is God’s last creation. She will always act as last-born and that is the only way she can benefit from all that God created. 

  The devil hates the idea of a woman in the life of a man and in the world. With a woman in the life of a man, he was destined to dominate…not alone as a man. “Let them have dominion” (Gen 1: 26). 

  It is them, not just him. A man’s victory and prosperity is guaranteed when in agreement with his wife, they hold on to God’s promise. A man’s dominion can’t be fully realised without the wife.

  The devil knows this and therefore uses physical ailments, weakness, cultural and traditional mind limits on women, pain and risk of childbearing to limit them. 

  A woman can overcome these traumas if the man realises that a woman’s fulfillment, desire and happiness lie with him. 

  But most men do not know how a woman is supposed to be loved. They don’t know what fulfils a woman’s dream. Sex has been over exaggerated. Men think that once they make love to a woman, they have conquered her and they are actually helping her. 

  It is really unfortunate that most women are beginning to think that only when a man has sex with them that they are desire and loved. Such women later realise that sexual attraction for a man do not necessarily mean love; it is just a hormonal, biological impulse.

  For the man who wants to love his wife and see her happy and fulfilled with him, I suggest some practical ways I think a woman feels loved, even without sex.

1. Make sacrifices for them 

  Do things that may cost you, yet for their utmost favour. Make extra efforts to satisfy them. Jacob served 14 years for Rachael. (Gen 29: 18-20). 

  Sometimes, you need to find out what is really important to her. They may even be simple courtesy and kind gestures.

2. Make them as comfortable as you would to your mother

  Most men have a soft spot for their mother. No matter what anyone says about your mother or what she has done to them, they never despise or disregard her. In your heart of hearts, your mother has an irreplaceable position. 

  Every man loves his mother in a way he himself does not understand. He would never tolerate an insult from anyone on his mother. He would give his mother anything. 

  Most men still listen to their mothers, even when they are 50. A little of such will make your wife feel she is worth something divine to you. (Genesis 24: 67). 

  Your vulnerability to your mother makes your wife jealous, and if she can know that she feels the same for her, she would be comforted. 

  Every man loves his mother’s cooking, no matter how it tastes. Start with that!

3. Give her and her mother things (Genesis 24: 52-53) 

  Women may tell you they are not materialistic, yet a woman would love meaningful gifts. Your wife will want regular gifts and would enjoy you more when you say: ‘This is for your mother.’

  If you show special love to your wife’s mother, she will regard you greatly.

4. Make her feel your passion, your heart, your heat and your affection (Judges 16: 15)

  I have written so much about sex, yet men do not realise how much skill in love-making would take than strength or size. 

  Sex with your wife should communicate affection; it is not a ‘Sport.’ I am not eliminating any creativity in sexual positions or patterns, but what I mean is that your love-making should reach the heart of your wife and say something. 

  If you have sex with your wife, as you would do a person you pay for a night, it would lose its effect. The tenderness, communication, understanding, patience, force, expression…should be deep. 

  The ‘afterglow’ hug, kiss, talk, reassurance and appreciation will give meaning to your relationship. 

  Your passion for your wife outside the bedroom is the skill you would need to keep her heart linked with you forever. Non-sexual touches run deep into the sub-consciousness of your wife.

5. Love her children. (1st Samuel 1: 5, 8)

  Elkannah said ‘his love for his wife was more than 10 sons. She had a worthy portion from her husband, but that didn’t make her happy. She was always sad until the priest assured her she would have a child. 

  If you show love, care and attention to your children, you have won your wife’s heart forever. Women love their children in a way no one except a mother would understand. Even in discipline, show love. 

  If your children are your best pals, you return home on time for them, work for them, buy gifts, go to their schools, help them with their homework and take them out, your wife will be strong for all her battles.

6. Never expose her weakness (Matthew 1: 19) 

  Joseph was a just man, and even when he knew Mary was with a child whose origin he didn’t know, he didn’t want to put her away publicly.

  He knew she would be stoned to death if anyone thought of her as unfaithful or adulterous. He wanted to put her away privately. No calling of in-laws or family members, etc. He was still contemplating on it when the angel of God appeared to him. 

  For me, if you really love a person, you cover his/her sins. There are ways of doing it, but exposing a person in a world where life is not valued is risky. She would change and be better, but not in the hands of those who hate her.

7. Give her attention (Esther 5: 2-5)

  Whenever your wife seeks your attention, be ready to offer it. Notice her. Listen beyond what she seems to be saying. Never let her feel she doesn’t matter or her opinion doesn’t count.

  Find a way of being a leader, yet not letting her feel the weight. Look out for her; find her.

8. Marry her (Genesis 34: 3-4, 8)

  There are men who want a woman to give them children and comfort, yet would not make them a wife. One of the greatest honours a woman has is being officially and legally declared a ‘MRS…’   

  Do whatever it takes to make her your wife. Go to the parents or guardian and find a way to get their approval and blessings. 

  I am not an advocate for dowry, but if that is what it takes, try. It is not when you have sex with a person or dis-virgin a girl that you make her a woman.

 From a biblical perspective, a woman has been made before even the man met her.   

  Marriage makes a girl your woman, your wife, your own. Marriage affords you a public and private right to call her your own. There is no greater joy for a woman than that.

9. Treat her with honour and understanding (1st Peter 3-7)

  Some men strip a woman of every respect and honour the moment they marry her. His very language and choice of words to the wife is void of honour. 

  In public or private, he wants people to know he is in control and his wife has no say. His intention may be to protect the marriage, but the attitude is wrong. 

  It is true that sometimes a woman behave in a particular way not too acceptable in a man’s world, but the man need to treat her with understanding. 

  See her as a weaker vessel. Realise that a woman’s approach to things is a function of her sexuality and make up not necessarily stupidity. With time, she would learn. 

  Tell her the truth in love. Be firm where necessary, but don’t let it damage her self-esteem or sense of worth to you.

10. Help her find God (1 Corinthians 11: 3-5; John 20: 2)

  You won’t be able to satisfy all the woman’s longings. She has a creator, a God. Help her find God. Never stop your wife from advancing her relationship with God. Lead her to God if she hasn’t found the way. 

  Take her to church; allow her attend fellowship. Teach her to pray. Be a good example of a Christian to her. Make sure if she follows you and lives with you, imitates you, she won’t be far from Christ and would make heaven at last.

08027173447                                                                                             intimatefaithministry@yahoo.com