Re: He suspects me so much
Truth doesn’t always set you free.
I had a similar experience, I was very honest with my boyfriend about past relationships and life in general, because, as I told him, there was nothing in my life for which I felt ashamed of.
I had a beautiful life, with all pain and breakups involved. It’s part of life and defines us as people.
My boyfriend was a few years younger than I am and I could understand where he came from.
We didn’t have the same understanding and perception of things and life in general.
But very often, because of his insecurities and jealousy, I had to listen to reproaches about my past.
Why? Because I made a mistake telling him every little secret in my heart, and he played with my weaknesses or better said, my less than fortunate decisions I made in my past.
I’ve been patient for a year, understanding his age and his culture (we do come from different backgrounds).
It may sound terrible, but the truth is I’m an independent woman, self-sufficient, with passions and various activities to fill my daily agenda.
He is a very handsome guy with limited academic education, who goes insane if I don’t reply to his messages, or don’t pick up the phone when he calls.
And when he gets crazy, he starts imagining all worst scenario, to remind me how many relationships I had before him.
I always saw the best in him and I saw his potential. That was the reason I kept on going.
I equally I fell in love with him. I’ve tried to talk calmly to him, to explain how things work in reality, to share my experiences with him so that he can learn.
Some people are told the truth and they don’t know how to handle it because they refuse to see a different picture other than the one they imagine.
And he does get verbally aggressive and abusive and asks me to prove every word I say.
Now my question is: How do you prove that you have been in the bathroom for 20-30 minutes? Big dilemma. You just have to let go.
Whether they have a reason or not to be suspicious, some people cannot control their jealousy and no matter how much you love them, you have to love yourself a bit more and not allow anyone to put you through “trials” constantly, to terrorise you with their own insecurities.
These people would not change and you would get exhausted and have no energy for anything else. You basically waste your time.
And for people with ambitions, who want more from life than to get married and have children, this kind suspicious behaviour can lead to depression and low self esteem.
It is suffocating to know how much you are worth and to see that the person you love and care for treats you as a criminal not worth being trusted, not allowed to live freely and happily, not allowed to enjoy their job or any other thing in life, unless the controlling partner is there to hold your hand and to witness that you are not doing something wrong.
It’s sad for me to realise this, but another truth. Nobody deserves to be made a prisoner. These people are toxic and will not change.
The power of forgiveness doesn’t stay in the ability to control and invade somebody’s privacy.
If your partner cheats or has done something to make you not trust him/her and if you feel that you cannot forgive and move on, it’s better to quit the relationship than to stay in it and make both parties miserable.