Should I continue with a break or just quit?
I am queen, a 23-year-old student in desperate need of advice.
This is the first time I have a committed relationship with a man, who is 27 years old. Currently, we are on a break, because our arguments were becoming very heated and physical.
A few weeks ago, he literally punched me in the face (mouth to be exact) while we were arguing.
As I said, we have been together for a year and half, but a few months ago, I started to feel tired of all the arguments and we would literally disagree on everything.
I have tried to end it in the past, but he manipulated me every time. Now that he has been abusive , I don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, because his anger scares me sometimes.
I told him I needed a break and not quitting, because he threatened to kill himself if I ever left him and that he truly loves and cares for me. I am worried about him, because he needs help and he said he doesn’t.
I am also worried for my safety . He apologises and cries almost every day and this just makes me feel as though I am hurting him more and more.
I have made up my mind that I do not want to be with him anymore, but I am only on this “break” with him, because I am afraid that he does something stupid, it will be all my fault.
I have no clue how to end it or what to do about all of this. I am just very tired of all of this.
On another note, I met someone else about two months ago and we talk very often and it is obvious that we like each other.
He shows me that he likes me a lot by the things he does and says, but I am worried because he is about 12 years older than me and he has more experience than me.
I don’t want to move too fast either, but what can I do to see if he really does like me or if it is just a plan to get between my legs?
Re- He is A Dictator
Leave the guy alone, he is not your friend, he is not your sounding board. Confessing, professing and romanticising a relationship with a man you don’t know?
I am curious to know why you married a controlling man, and I am sure that at least the four years prior to marrying him, you knew he was controlling.
Ma’am, these signs of abuse, control and aggressive behaviour didn’t just start; they have always been there and you have to ask yourself why you ignore those signs? Why did you get married to a man that exhibited behaviours of abuse, control and aggression?
I am sure he was telling you what to do, what to wear and where to go while you were dating him.
This did not happen overnight; this has been ongoing for a while and you have been putting up with it for years.
You know that you are in an abusive relationship. You know that he is controlling.
So, instead of waiting to leave after you finish school, why not leave now? You can get the divorce and move on with your life.
What does your family have to do with it? Why do you care if they are making you feel bad for leaving a horrible situation? Why stay in an unhealthy relationship?
If you want change, then make it happen. You cannot wait on someone else to create change for you; change happens when you make it happen.
You are not happy in your marriage, then change it. You are not happy with what you are doing in life, then change it.
Your husband cannot grant you or give you the change you want. He is in your way. He is the obstacle.
You are asking for his permission to do certain things, i.e. to go to the gym, to go back to school, if you can go with you family and friends and what to wear.
You are not his child; you are a grown woman. You don’t need his approval to go back to school or to go to the gym, just go and do you.
And, why are you entertaining another man in a virtual world? You are on some app or whatever virtual Internet chat room talking with another man about your life and relationship. Why?
Your marriage is in trouble and you are in an abusive relationship and instead of seeking advice, counseling or resources to get out of your situation, you are on some app talking with a stranger about hooking up?
That doesn’t even make sense.
You are being mentally and emotionally abused by your husband and you think you have the emotional wherewithal to entertain another relationship and that you are mentally and emotionally equipped to possibly date another man? Girl, stop. Just stop.
If you don’t want to be married, then get the divorce. If you are being abused, then why would your family encourage you to stay with an abuser?
If you are not happy and your husband is controlling and mentally and emotionally abusing you, then leave.
You are in an unhealthy relationship. It is not stimulating you. He is not encouraging you, empowering you, uplifting you or even celebrating you.
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