True story: He suspects me so much

I am a 25-year-old lady, and I have been with this guy for almost two years.

During this time, we had quite a rocky start.

In my personal life I was also going through things, I was pretty much a mess.

And I hid things from him and in essence, I lied to him to avoid dealing with them.

Then everything was brought out in the open. And the trust was broken. And I take responsibility for that.

Since then till now I’ve been trying my utmost best to rebuild the broken trust.

And everytime things get better I feel as though he’s now always searching for something to go wrong.

He gets suspicious if I don’t react to things the way he thinks I should.

And then tries to test me about random things that I don’t really care about. I find it all heartbreaking.

I’m trying so hard, especially since I have this guilt that the relationship is trustless because of me.

But now I feel drained, constantly proving myself, constantly feeling like I am on trial.

I feel like his suspicions are pushing me away. He tells me he does want to be with me, but he can’t trust me.

But at the same time, he does wierd things like checking up on me, hacking my email account.

And I hate it, I hate it. I feel terrible. I care about him alot, and regret ever hiding things from him, but I can’t take back what I did but I really feel unhappy.

I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. It’s pretty much every couple months we will be fine and great and then he will bring something up and I have to have solid proof and if I don’t he wont believe me.

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