True story: That passion, no longer as it is…
I am a 25-year-old guy. My girlfriend and I were in a long distance relationship.
During the first semester in school (this was almost three months long), things seemed bearable and it seemed like the long distance wouldn’t be a problem, because I could travel home about once a month, but now, I feel things have changed.
It used to be that I couldn’t wait to see my girlfriend again, because I would miss her, but about two months ago, after many little hiccups, we had a big argument. My girlfriend blames it on her mood swings, but I feel it is something different.
She is the type of person who only talks to a handful of people and the only people close to her are her family.
I also feel that whenever she is unhappy with something, she is insecure about herself and doesn’t like her self-image, or whenever she misses me, she takes it out on me. This is what caused all those hiccups that she blames on her mood swings.
I have been trying since four months to increase her confidence and change the way she sees herself, but nothing has changed, because she makes excuses not to do anything about it whenever I address the subject.
I find this increasingly frustrating, as I have been very patient about it.
The big argument came when I couldn’t handle getting the raw end of it any more whilst I was away and I told her she was out of order and unfair by taking it out on me. She constantly asked not to talk about it and tried to avoid every point I made, and I honestly thought the relationship was over then.
Then she made it very clear that she hates the fact that she hates herself for how she makes me feel when she takes it out on me, but she has still done nothing to change that, except do it less frequently, which in turn leads to bigger arguments.
Since the big argument, I have felt disconnected from her. When I came home for Easter, I wasn’t excited to see her and I haven’t really been enjoying my time around her either. I keep making excuses to get away and not see her.
I have been telling myself I need time, but whenever I get a day to myself, I just think about breaking up and it makes me feel really guilty, because I know she loves me very much.
The trouble is that I just don’t feel the same about her or about our relationship anymore.
I don’t want to hurt her or break her heart. It will break mine too splitting up with her, but I just don’t know if I love her any more because of how I let go during the argument.
So far, I have spent three weeks with her and I still feel the same. In fact, I have even decided to leave to go back to university a day sooner because of it.
I feel like such a bad person for wanting to get away all the time and feel guilty after we have sex. I don’t know what to do.
Advice: Dear readers, mail your comments, reactions or true love stories, quiz or personal experience you wish to share to: firstname.lastname@example.org
For marriage counseling, call Simon on 07032944123.
This Week’s Question: Wisdom is asking: “Why is it difficult to find a loyal woman these days, even when you have money?”
Call 07032944123 to send your question or answers.
Get the latest news delivered straight to your inbox every day of the week. Stay informed with the Guardian’s leading coverage of Nigerian and world news, business, technology and sports.