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Admitting when you are wrong

By Bishop Charles Ighele
03 October 2021   |   3:50 am
Before there can be reconciliation and peace, you should first of all acknowledge the source of the problem.

Charles Ighele

Before there can be reconciliation and peace, you should first of all acknowledge the source of the problem.

After annoying your spouse, your colleague, boss or even your young child, the ability to apologise from your heart is a sign of humility and a quality mind. 

Some people never admit that they are wrong. Never. Many people, even after realising that they are wrong, find it very difficult to admit it. Admitting that you are wrong does not make you less of who you are. It does not reduce you to a lesser human being. If your spouse feels bigger than you, just because you apologised, then he/she has a problem and not you. You are very okay. Contrarily, saying sorry does not make the other person smarter, it makes you more mature.

Admit it when you are wrong and humbly ask for forgiveness from your spouse, pastor or anyone you have offended. 

To do this, you should first realise your mistake and how it hurts the other person, after which you should offer a genuine apology.

A man who knew he was wrong refused to openly apologise to his wife because he felt that it would make the wife have dominion over him. A woman also felt that apologising to her husband would not help her. She felt that her husband would broadcast it everywhere that she had apologised.

This is not the way a mind that wants to grow should reason. Marriage is not a matter of who has more power, but of who is ready to forgive and cleave. If a spouse wants to broadcast it everywhere that you have apologised, let him/her go ahead. He/she is advertising his/her immaturity and advertising your cool-headedness.

A woman grew very bitter after her husband divorced her on grounds of infidelity. She was saddened by the divorce and felt the matter could have been resolved amicably. When asked, the husband said he did not divorce his wife because she committed adultery, but because she defended herself. He explained that after she had been caught, she wept and confessed that she was wrong.

At that moment, the husband was willing to forgive her, but she spoilt everything by lashing out and saying, “it is your fault. I know I should not have done it but you pushed me. You refused to appreciate me and he did.” This hardened his heart and he threw her out of their home.

The point I am trying to make is that, defending yourself when you are wrong is totally unnecessary. Many people have a natural defence machine in them. They jump into defence immediately, not only when they are to be blamed, but also when they are to be corrected. This is wrong.

When you begin to justify your actions and defend yourself after an apology, the person you are apologising to will think that you truly are not sorry or remorseful.

If you do something to offend or hurt another person, a simple “I admit I am wrong or I am really sorry” said genuinely from the heart is enough to begin the process of thawing the ice in the other person’s heart. But when you begin to defend yourself and give all manner of excuses for your actions, it hardens the heart of the other person and makes reconciliation difficult. Please, do not again say that you have a reason for doing the wrong you did.

Please, please, do not again use these words: “I am wrong with a reason.” Do not again use the words: “I can explain.” The only satisfying explanation you should give is simply own up and apologise till the person you hurt is satisfied. Love you.

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