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Dating your spouse 


Charles Ighele

I first saw the title “date your mate” in marriage counselor Nancy Pelt’s book, “The Highly Effective Marriage.” Through the many years I have counseled couples on the need for deliberate constant manufacturing of love-filled activities in their relationships, a common excuse I have constantly heard is: “there is no time.”

Recently, I reminded a husband of how, after closing from a twelve-hour job at a very demanding organisation, he would drive over an hour, enduring the traffic jams and ignoring his need to rest or eat, just to catch a glimpse of his fiancée and spend about thirty minutes with her every day. This was in addition to calling her about three times within the day.

A year into his marriage, this same husband complained of being too busy at work to spend time with his family, till I drew his attention to the fact that his working hours were still the same as they were before he got married and his wife was the same lady he had to talk to before going to bed every day. What changed then?


When couples are in courtship, there is the usually excitement in the air. There is the constant need to just “check” on the other person. There is generally an expression of love and devotion. But after the vows, most couples just recline to their roles as husbands and wives; all the romance gets lost.  

This is not God’s intention at all. God wants our love lives to grow. He wants us to grow in love. And love has to be constantly expressed. He did not intend it to be a period of brief excitement and brief romantic feelings. Marriage is not just to fill in societal expectations. It is a deep commitment to God and your spouse and it should be treated as such.

One of the ways to keep the excitement and romantic feelings from fading away is to embark on the act of continually dating your spouse. What do I mean by dating? A dictionary defines “date” as “a meeting with a lover or potential lover.” The word “date” therefore, does not only apply to people who are not yet married. A man should, therefore, be able to take his wife out on a date.

Personally, I love taking my wife out on a date after over three decades of marriage. How should a couple go about this? It starts with what to wear- that is, how to dress. It can be in the daytime or in the evening. 


In my own case, I like my wife to put on a dress that will make her look more radiant, more than the radiance of a queen. I also try to dress in a manner that she likes. And off we go. 

It can be at a lagoon-side restaurant anywhere in the world. We order our food, and gist and gist only about the good and better and best moments of our courtship and marital life. After two, three, four or five hours, we are back home again. 

Each time we get home, it’s as if we have gone out to bring more honey to the honeycomb of our love life and marriage. We also did this early in our marriage, when we had no car. Back then, we would go to a very nice hotel, sit by the swimming pool side, order soft drinks and snacks and enjoy the evening. 

Boy, wake up your marriage and love life by taking your wife out on a date, at least once a month. She will love it. Or is there any lady out there that will not love to be loved this way? Love you.


In this article:
Charles Ighele
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