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Comparing your family members with others

By Bishop Charles Ighele
29 December 2019   |   3:31 am
Parents have different styles and ways of bringing up their children. The styles they adopt are most likely the revised editions of what their own parents used on them.

One of the most commonly used methods of discipline among parents is that of comparison.<br />Photo: GETGOVTGRANTS

Parents have different styles and ways of bringing up their children. The styles they adopt are most likely the revised editions of what their own parents used on them.

One of the most commonly used methods of discipline among parents is that of comparison. It is a great misconception on the part of parents that when they compare their children with others, it would make them behave in a better way.

Nobody likes being unfavourably compared with another person. It reduces the self-esteem of the person being compared.

Parents should not compare their children with others in terms of behaviour, educational performance, and other aspects. This is very wrong. Some parents use words like “Can’t you see that child? He is very well behaved’’ or “your friend that came first in class, does he have two heads?’’ or “your mates can cook and you can’t.” All these words discourage children. And this is the exact opposite of what parents want to achieve.

Comparison never brings out the best in anybody. Instead, pick prominent figures and lovingly tell your children to emulate some of the character traits of these great people. Tell them how these great men and women had to study hard at school, do domestic chores and behave respectfully, among others, before they attained greatness. This is what is called teaching. Teaching makes a child want to have the courage to improve, while comparison makes a child feel discouraged.

Do not discourage your children with comparisons, try and build them up instead.

There is, therefore, great destruction in comparing your children amongst themselves, or with other children.

Now, let us talk about the effects of comparing your spouse with another person. Some people measure the success of a fight by who says the most hurtful words or who has the last word. This is a great sign of immaturity and childishness.

In a bid to say hurtful words, some spouses go as far as comparing themselves with others. This is fighting outside the ring and it can destroy a marriage.

Some women will tell their husbands words like, “see, your mate has bought a car, what have you done for us?’’ Others may compare their husband’s income, level of expenditure and physical assets, among others with that of other men.

Some men, on the other hand, may go as far as comparing their wives’ physical appearance with that of other women. A man found himself in trouble when he shouted at his wife and said to her, “Why can’t you dress well and make yourself as beautiful as Mrs. James (not real name)?” The wife, who felt hurt, concluded that her husband was admiring the woman he compared her with.

The point I am making is that comparison in any form is wrong. It is fighting outside the ring and hitting below the belt. No man would appreciate being compared with another man, neither would a woman like to be compared with a fellow woman.

Comparing your spouse with another will never encourage him/her to change. Instead, it will discourage him/her.

Scientists have proved that no two people have the same fingerprints.

Even if they are identical twins, their fingerprints will be different from each other.

This proves that God made each person different and unique. No two people are the same. Each person is uniquely different and beautifully made.

Understanding this fact will discourage us from comparing our looks and physical appearance with those of others. Let us learn to teach in humility and in love and not to attack with comparisons. Love you.