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Should a lady propose?


Charles Ighele

Recently, my daughter, Mrs. Noja Ighele-Alaigba and I were answering questions from a group of people. Someone asked: “Can I propose marriage to a man I like?” For the nearly 30 years my wife and I have been involved in marriage and family counselling, this question has been thrown at us many times. Over the years, when we take couples out and are chatting and asking the men how they proposed and also asking the women how their husbands proposed marriage to them, we have discovered that some men take pride in narrating how tough or long it was before their wives agreed to their marriage proposals.

We have never come across a man who said he found his wife cheap. There are certainly some of these men who might have found their wives ‘cheap’ to come by. Perhaps, a wife or two might have pleaded and cried so their husbands would marry them. But it is not easy in a NORMAL world (not in the abnormal world), for a man to tell people with pride that it was the wife that begged him to marry her.

Why do some men take pride in telling people how tough it was before their wives agreed to marry them? And you know what? When the men are narrating how tough it was, the wives look on smiling triumphantly. Some years back, I read an article in which the writer stated that men are like lions, when it comes to wooing their women. The person wrote that lions do not like to eat dead animals. He stated that just as a lion tries to pursue an animal before putting it in his stomach, so also men like to pursue their wives before bringing them to their homes. I agree with the writer. Men are generally wired to pursue their women. But that does not mean that there are some women who will want to do the unnatural by proposing marriage to a man. Pro 18:22 says, “Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour of the Lord.” You can see that it is a man who does the finding. He is the one (like the lion) who goes out finding, looking for, searching and like the lion, hunting.

There is a man, whose wife proposed marriage to him. They have been married for many years, but whenever he sees her talking to another man in their church or anywhere, he gets offended. He thinks his wife is throwing herself at them, just as she threw herself at him for him to be her husband. As far back as 1980 something, we advised a lady against proposing to a man in her church, but she went ahead and the man was very angry with her. I strongly believe that the mind of God on this matter is for the man to propose. Come to think of it, have you ever seen a hen pursuing a cock for sex? I have never. Except the hen is a “prostitute hen”or it has lost its core values. Wait a minute. What am I saying? Am I saying there are prostitutes among hens and that there are some cocks, which look for prostitute hens? Me I no know oooooooo about the world of cocks and hens. All I know is that it’s not HONOURABLE for a female to pursue a man for sex, love or marriage.

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