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Threatening your spouse, whether you mean it or not

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Charles Ighele


A certain man and his wife were known to always quarrel to the point that each time they started, the children in the neighbourhood will be mimicking the things the couple will be saying. A child will tell the other “I will slap you if you open your mouth again.” while the other one will reply, “try it and see if I will not break that your coconut head.” They made themselves the laughing stock of their neighbours.

It is immature to threaten your spouse during a quarrel. Some husbands are fond of threatening their wives with one thing or the other with the intention to put the woman to fright. It is so horrible when you hear what spouses threaten each other with things like, “I will beat you mercilessly if you try me again.” “I will burn down this house if you touch me again.” Some wives even tell their husbands, they will disfigure them for one reason or the other.

When a disagreement brews, never resort to threats whether you mean it or not. Some time ago, a lady was so disappointed with her husband the way he handled her threat. She had threatened him during a quarrel and her husband did not discourage her from quitting the marriage, as she had threatened. She thought her husband would beg her not to divorce him.

Remember that what you keep saying, you may likely do one day. When you keep issuing those threats, you are likely on a journey in that direction and acts of omission or commission or pride can make it come to pass. A man who kept telling his wife he would kill her eventually did so out of anger. He regretted it later but the deed had already been done. The physical body follows the directions of a threat that is on a person’s mind.

Threats are not just to be avoided by couples but should not be used on children. Using threats on your children does not really yield good results. A child might initially feel scared and be forced to do what is expected of him/her but over time, such a child becomes hardened and no longer cares what happens with the threats. Threats can also make some children to live in fear and docility. Ephesians 6:4 “And you fathers do not provoke your children to anger…” Desist from nurturing your children with threats. Some parents go as far as telling a child he/she will not eat or his/her school fees will not be paid in the name of threats. Do not use threats on any member of your household. Ephesians 6:9 “And ye masters do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening.” Threats do not yield good results.

In case your spouse threatens you, do not retaliate by threatening him/her back. 1 Peter3:9 says, “Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing.” If your spouse keeps threatening, “I will kill you one day,” such threats should be reported to a pastor or a responsible person in the society or even to the family. Do not keep quiet before it will come to pass.

Using threats to express yourself is a sign that you cannot handle your feelings or pressures. One of the basic qualities of a mature person is the emotional strength to handle negative feelings and pressures. The journey towards a person leaving this low level of life is a firm decision never to threaten your spouse again. When you wholeheartedly do so, God will then provide the person with an ability that will enable him/her mature into a better level of life. May God bless you and your family. Love you.
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In this article:
Charles Ighele
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