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When your spouse no longer turns you on


Bishop Charles Ighele

Many men and women have had cause to complain that their spouses are no longer sexually attractive. When some wives or husbands find themselves in such a situation, they say they are no longer in love. They say that their feelings for each other are as dead as dodo (fried ripe plantain). Many of such marriages have ended in divorce, especially in the developed countries and the younger generation in the developing, under-developed and under-developing countries. Someone may wonder what I mean by the word under-developing country.

I was discussing with someone sometime ago about what needs to be done to fix Nigeria. I said Nigeria is an under developed country and not a developing country. This highly placed professional disagreed. He said his colleague living abroad was able to convince him that Nigeria is an under-developing country and not under-developed or developing country.

Based on what I studied in my university days at Ife, I can boldly say that in the area of political development, Nigeria is under-developing politically. And president Muhammadu Buhari’s advisers should make up their minds to love Nigeria more by honestly helping him to chart a new political road that will unite Nigerians. Sorry I had to digress because if there is war, there may be no time to talk about romance and sex.


Back to our topic, there is hardly any marriage that does not come to a time, when the sexual attraction will not decrease. After constant exposure to each other over time, the law of diminishing marginal utility may come in. Whenever a couple notices that sexual attraction and sexual satisfaction is decreasing, it is a sign that an alarm bell is beginning to ring. At this point, couples should begin to work on themselves by looking out for new attractive bedroom wears and a new dress sense within the house and outside, better body care and deliberately looking for new ways to work on their sexual feelings and on their spouse’s sexual feelings. They have to try to look back at their peak periods, when they turned each other on easily and see how they can bring back these periods and improve on them. This should be a deliberate action.

Sexual attraction towards your spouse in marriage is such a delicious pot of soup that should not be allowed to go sour or eaten cold. Just as you can get your nice pot of soup from the freezer and warm it for you to enjoy, so also you can get your sexual attraction from the fridge or freezer and deliberately fire it up to a level where you begin to turn each other on again. 1 Corinthians 7:9b makes it clear that one of the reasons for marriage is for people to satisfy their sexual desires “for it is better to marry than to burn with sexual desires.”

The other day, a 95-year-old man was busy kissing his 92-year-old wife. Last year, at an eating-place in a highbrow part of Lagos, we met a couple in its 80s. The woman told us she takes her husband out every Sunday immediately after service to eat out and chill. After over thirty years of marriage, Carol and I are never tired of not only praying, but also working on ourselves, so that we enjoy the kisses now more than how it used to be, when we were younger. Boy! We are having a nice time. You too can work on your own. Love you.
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In this article:
Charles Ighele
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