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The marriage institution – Part 14

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We continue our discourse on reasons why marriages fail in our modern world. The following are additional three widely recognised reasons amongst others, which are inexhaustible among couples:

Diverse Beliefs: Usually, when couples are dating, individual beliefs are often not kept on the front burners. But this becomes a challenge, when decisions are to be made around certain life issues. If such is not handled with mutual love and understanding, it could lead to a crack in the relationship, then spiral into separation and divorce. As trivial as this may sound, certain family traditions and religion tend to become more important, and if the couple is not on the same page, trouble may arise. The prevalent reasons for divorce mostly boil down to lack of communication, which is particularly a big one (Romans 14:5, Amos 3:3).

Not Staying Connected: Life can get in the way of any marriage very easily. Everything from work to kids to outside commitments can lead to a very quick disconnect between married couples, especially in the early years, when the courtship frivolity gives way to the reality of day-to-day living. Couples can morph from a loving relationship into other “ships” passing in the night without warning, just to keep up with family’s schedule. This drifting apart, which is seen in most couples, is one of the top reasons for divorce.

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Too often, marriages fail not because of one explosive event, but a slow dissolution that happens, when couples aren’t intentional about connecting with one another (Genesis 2:25).

Differing Life Plans and Pursuits: Just like any other thing in life, if you want to keep your marriage from failing, you better have a plan, and it had better be one that you both agree on. Widely different plans for a new family do not end well. I recommend that before marrying, couples should come to an agreement on important things, such as the number of kids, finances, beliefs, education, and relationship with in-laws Proverbs 29:18, Luke 14:28-30.

While many marital relationships last forever, several begin crumbling after a few years, and close to half of marriages in the last 25 years end in a divorce. The quirks, behaviours, and habits that people find endearing about each other at the start of a life journey may sometimes begin to feel like a burden as the years go by. In marital relationship today, contempt is slowly taking the place of mutual respect. For example, when your partner talks, do you roll your eyes, sneer, or make caustic comments? People who have a healthy relationship value each other’s opinions and thoughts, and do not mind listening to the other’s viewpoint with patience and understanding. This is even more important when they disagree. No matter how annoying your partner’s argument may be; they deserve your attention, time, understanding, and respect. If you feel that you and your partner are becoming intolerant of each other’s feelings or thoughts, then chances are that your marriage is getting into trouble (Proverbs 22:3).

Ayo Daniels is a healthy family passionate who writes from Lagos and will love to hear your feedback, questions, testimonies and attend to your counselling need: ayodaniels@mrlworld.com

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