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The marriage institution – Part 18

By Ayo Daniels
10 October 2021   |   2:49 am
Marriage is the synergy between a man and a woman for the effective running of their family. This is not to suggest that marriage is easy, as we all know that it takes courage

Ayo Daniels

Marriage is the synergy between a man and a woman for the effective running of their family.

This is not to suggest that marriage is easy, as we all know that it takes courage, determination, and resiliency to maintain a long-lasting marriage relationship. When we understand what really makes a marriage tick, saving or safeguarding your unique marriage becomes simpler to do. We’ll continue today on the things we should do to strengthen our relationships.

Embrace romance for emotional connection: Hold hands. For many couples, this is like a tall order, considering what life incessantly throws in everyday marital life. Some people have concluded that touching only works in certain cultures. Touch is therapeutic and aids the emotional wellbeing of marital relationships. Touch your spouse as opportunity permits, especially when differences distance you from each other. View these little points of contact as love “marks” that stays with you throughout the day. At the end of a long day, pamper each other with massages, while you’re watching your favourite TV shows on the couch. The physical contact creates happy hormone oxytocin, and non-sexual physical contact keeps you feeling adored by each other. You’d be surprised at how longtime married folks, whose relationships have grown stale never touch each other anymore in these little adoring ways (Proverbs 18:24).
 
Drop all known old garbage: Married people can be tempted to hold on to past issues to the point of refusing to let go. People have scars and damages from their dating days and family interactions and use an old fight as a weapon in a new one. It is unfair to throw up unresolved issues at one another during current disagreements. Be matured not to bring up those old matters and avoid hot button issues that you and your spouse have already discussed and hopefully resolved. If you are still having trouble letting it go, consider journaling or talking to a counselor to prevent these bygones from weakening your marriage (Ephesians 4:29-32)

 
Learn to fight fairly: Learn to concentrate on your current disagreement without bringing up past issues. Avoid using absolutes like “always” or “never” to accuse your spouse, when you are revved up and kind of irrational during an argument, i.e. “You never listen to me.” Within the argument, establish a “take it back” code whenever either of you says something you don’t truly mean, as words are seeds to either make or break. Remind your spouse that you love them, irrespective of your differences and that you are committed to each other and finding solutions going forward. This opens the door for a compromise. You both need to know when to back off and apologise. Love does mean saying “I’m sorry” most times, so life can continue.
 
Do chores together: This is another hard nut to crack by many people after spending many years in marriage. The temptation to discontinue this is high after attaining a particular socio-economic life status.

But we can add this life spice into the marriage by intentionally engaging in chores together to strengthen our synergy. You can plan an occasional treat to prep a new meal, go jogging, swim or take a walk together. The sensory experience of doing chores together or co-creating a fabulous, romantic dish or snack is way better than just popping some toaster tarts in the oven alone (Colossians 3:18-19).

Ayo Daniels is a healthy family practitioner and will love to hear your questions, testimonies and attend to your counseling need: ayodaniels@mrlworld.com.

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