The daughter-in-law and her mothers-in-law

I want to specially welcome you; my wonderful readers and your families to this New Year. I wish you a great year ahead. Before some ladies get married, they have already drawn the battle line with their future in-laws, especially their mothers-in-law.

When I handled a course known as “In-law Relationship” in our Institute For Marriage and Family Intimacy Studies some years ago, I had cause to tell the students that everybody is an in-law. I told them that if they keep saying that in-laws are bad, they are saying that they are also bad. It is clear that some mothers-in-law are good, while some are bad. This is not enough to categorise all mothers-in-law as being bad. Drawing a battle line with a mother-in-law before one gets married will certainly produce battles because an innocent error by a good mother-in-law can make a lady say: “Didn’t I say that mothers-in-law are bad?”

A lady who went into marriage with her mind set on the belief that mothers-in-law are bad decided to make life uncomfortable when her father-in-law and mother-in-law visited the first time. Her welcoming them and hosting them to her home was cold. She would serve them any food without the courtesy of asking: “Papa and mama what will you like to have for dinner?”

A daughter-in-law refused to give her mother-in-law food when her husband had gone to work. The mother-in-law had to go back home because she did not want to cause problems in her son’s marriage. In the process of drawing a battle line with mothers-in-law, some daughters-in-law have fought mothers-in-law, who would have turned out to be a blessing to their lives and marriages. This attitude of drawing a battle line with mothers-in-law has also brought out the worse of some potentially “gbagbati” (quarrelsome and trouble seeking) mothers-in-law. It is like inviting the devil to dinner. No peace for the daughter-in-law and for the mother-in-law.

I strongly recommend that just as my mother made up her mind to live at peace and respect the women and men who will marry her sons and daughters no matter how troublesome they may be, that is how ladies, who are yet to get married or already married should make up their minds to live at peace with their mothers-in-law whether good or bad. Psalm 34:14 says, “…Do go; seek peace and pursue it.” If a lady does not want to go into marriage with the attitude of “…Do good, seek peace and pursue it,” even when she has a good mother-in-law as good as Ruth’s mother-in-law by name Naomi as narrated in the book of Ruth, she will scare her away.

Females should know deep in their hearts that mothers-in-law are to be respected whether they are good or bad. A wise lady should make up her mind before marriage and during marriage to respect the mother of her husband. It does not make sense to love and to live with a husband and decide to dislike the woman who gave birth to him. By the time you become a mother-in-law, will you like it if your son’s wife disrespects you and separates you from your son? You should, therefore, do unto others, what you would like them to do unto you. Love you!