Problems

AKPOS came back from church one Sunday and lifted his wife up. His surprised, but excited wife said: “Honey this is new. You’ve not done this before. This shows you love me the more.” Akpos replied:  “Our Pastor said we should lift our problems to God.”

Valentine’s Day conversion

AKPOS was at home on the eve of Valentine’s Day when his girlfriend, Ekaette, came. The following conversation ensued:

Ekaette: (Smiles and holds Akpos’ head affectionately) Darling, are you getting me that i-phone 6 I requested for Valentine?

Akpos: No.

Ekaette: But you promised?

Akpos: My religion does not permit me to celebrate Valentine.

Ekaette: Who told you? Even pastor preached about Valentine in church last week.

Akpos: I’m now a Muslim.

Ekaette: What! Since when?

Akpos: Yesterday. And if you don’t mind, I want to go and say my final prayer for the day.

Ekaette (Gets up angrily and heads for the door) You are not serious! It’s over between us.

Akpos: (Excited) No problem!

Principal’s daughter

THE following conversation ensued between Akpos and a female student in school.

Akpos: Isn’t our principal an idiot?

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Akpos: No…

Girl: I’m his daughter.

Akpos: Do you know me?

Girl: No!

Akpos: Thank God.

Perfect man

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and Ama:

Ama: I’m looking for a husband.

Akpos: What kind of man do you want?

Ama: I need a man who is 6.5ft tall, handsome, a PhD holder, God-fearing, Akuapim (tribe), non-Catholic and respectful.

Akpos: Take clay and mould him yourself.

Bring my gun

ONE day, thieves came to Akpos’ house. His father quickly noticed them and asked Akpos to bring his gun. After Akpos brought him his gun, he told him to hide in the room. As the thieves entered, his father brandished his gun at them and they began to tremble. Suddenly, Akpos came out of the room. His father, surprised, commanded, “Go inside!” Akpos shouted back, “Dad, you forgot to put water into the gun.” Akpos’ father is currently in the hospital receiving treatment.

Argument

Wikipedia: I know everything.

Google: I have everything.

Facebook: I know everybody.

Internet: Without me, you are all nothing.

NEPA: Keep talking …we shall see.

Sex Charge

ON their wedding night, Akpos’ young bride approached him and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, Akpos readily agreed.

   This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with Akpos thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

   Arriving home around noon one day, the wife was surprised to find her husband, Akpos, in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, Akpos explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been sacked.

   It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another job.

  Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book, which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million.

   Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank, which were worth over $2 million.

   She explained that she had ‘charged’ him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

   Akpos was so shocked that he could barely speak. Finally, he found his voice and blurted out, ‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.’ That’s when she shot him. You know, men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut!

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