LEMU tasks Muslims on marital practice  

To deepen the understanding and practice of polygyny according to Islamic perspective, The Lekki Muslim Ummah (LEMU), has enjoined Muslims to see the marital practice as a way to promote the general well-being of the societies.

Speaking during the group quarterly Da’wah workshop, the Chief Imam of Lekki Central Mosque, Imam Ridwan Jamiu, said polygyny is a mechanism through which Allah (SWT) promotes the general well-being of societies. “If a woman is suffering from depression, one of the best ways to deal with it is having someone around her who can speak nice words to her, cuddle her, and show her love. That way, depression is likely to go.”

He urged Nigerian men who practice polygyny to be careful so that they do not incur the wrath of Allah.

“Some people practice polygyny well, while some do not. We have seen some men who are very capable and are good at home management, yet some women who are not married are scared of going into a relationship with them. We need to use this kind of programme to disabuse their minds and to reassure them that not all polygynous unions are bad,” he said.

According to him, some men enter into polygyny for lust without having an adequate understanding of it.

“When you are unjust to your wife in polygyny, it could be a serious sin in the sight of Allah. It could lead to very serious consequences in one’s health, wealth, and quality of life, and even in the hereafter. That’s why we need to create enlightenment about this so that we can be well guided, he said.

He added that men willing to practice polygyny must understand the concept of fairness and justice, while also having financial, physical, and psychological capabilities. He also charged them to go for counselling and seek the guidance of scholars.

“Managing the home is very important. If you can’t manage it well, even you as a man may end up not being happy in the relationship, and you also make your wives unhappy. Your life becomes unhappy, and you can also destroy the happiness of other people.”

A polygyny coach, who is a Senior Legal Officer with the Lagos State Local Government Service Commission, Hajiya Maryam Nurudeen-Arole, admonished women to prepare their minds ahead for polygyny to avoid any disappointment.

“We should not think that because they are nice to us, they won’t marry somebody else. We should just prepare our minds ahead. It’s going to hurt. But preparation and seeking help will help us. When a man promises you that he will not marry another wife, please don’t believe such promises. It will help you to prepare ahead,” she said.

She said polygyny makes it easier for women to pursue their careers, especially when in a positive environment as the co-wife can assist with raising the children. Maryam advised women to seek professional support and attend polygyny counselling sessions to improve their coping strategies.

“Women should seek professional support. I had polygyny coaches that I learnt from. I joined polygyny support groups. I paid for therapy just to be in a healthy state. We should be careful of bias. Don’t inherit your parents’ polygyny.

“Second wives, especially, should look at the home they are going to. They should look at the lifestyle, and make enquiries about who they are. It helps you to relate well with them. Also, believe that whatever is happening is qadar. Don’t be sad, enjoy yourself and pursue your dreams because you have enough time to do so.”

The Director of Daaru Sa’aadah Islamic Centre, Sheikh Abu Labeebah Taofiq Busari, charged partners to demonstrate empathy, compassion and understanding in their unions.

He said, “We should be merciful, affectionate and compassionate in our polygyny. Showing empathy in our polygyny is what is required by Allah. We should know that either we are in a monogamy (with one wife) or a polygyny (with multiple wives), it is a form of worship, and we are seeking nothing but the reward of Allah and Al-Jannah.”

Busari also cautioned against the display of emotions in the union, noting such usually ends in regret.

“Managing our situations with solutions and not emotion goes a long way in making our home tranquil. What causes problems mostly is our emotions. We treat things with emotions, which is far beyond the reality of it. When you do things with emotions, regret sets in. You regret your action, you regret your statement. You regret everything that has come around it because it was a result of emotion,” he said.