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30, Single And Not Thriving

By Micah Emem Essien
14 November 2021   |   9:03 am
Being 30 means you ought to have got it figured out. While everyone seems to be on a 30 UNDER 30 list, making waves and history, the only waves you are seemingly making are to your hair and diet, or at a family function for being nowhere near on the path to fulfilment thereof.  When you turned…

Shot of a young businesswoman looking stressed out in an office

Being 30 means you ought to have got it figured out. While everyone seems to be on a 30 UNDER 30 list, making waves and history, the only waves you are seemingly making are to your hair and diet, or at a family function for being nowhere near on the path to fulfilment thereof. 

When you turned 25, you had hopes and dreams, aspirations and a drive, the will to do and break ceilings – concrete and glass, you knew that you could outrun Usain, then reality sets in and the one major life-changing thing you can’t wait to do is have a seat. 

Most people are either lucky and have it all together at 30 while some just have to wait their turn. But most times, it is hard to tell a 30-year-old who actually has not achieved anything other than just living and being a decent human that “It will get better” because it definitely will. But they do not really want to hear that. A part of them knows it will get better. Many pray for it and keep the faith and it is that faith that keeps them sane most of the time. But they also need to know that it is okay to break down. It is acceptable too!

So, while every one of your peers or your younger siblings mates even have husbands and wives of their own, children, businesses, articles written about them, books they have published become Lagos Times Best Sellers, here is what you who is 30, Single and Not Thriving YET can and should do.

SCHEDULE PITY PARTIES

This is the only way you can thrive; when you allow yourself to feel all the emotions. It would work better if you make an appointment, schedule it in your calendar as such “I gotta cry at 11:44 daily or weekly for just 30 minutes”. You can have this twice daily if you like, but it is a lot healthier if it progresses from twice a day to twice a week, then twice a month to only when you feel overwhelmed. Then you know you are making real-life progress and indeed thriving. 

GET TO WORK

While it is always a good idea to cry and shed a lot more light on just how unfair life is, you do have to get to work. You might have not ever thought of what exactly makes you happy, and you might think because you did not figure it out at 28, you are destined to fail. ABSOLUTELY INCORRECT. You have all it takes to make the most of all your choices now. You have a lot more experience, and in a way, you have tried and failed at certain things several times, so you already have a great headstart at finding out what will really become of you. Start, begin somewhere, believe that there is someone out there who needs what you yet have to offer. Understand and come to terms with the fact that what you have inside of you could change lives, could inspire millions. Just start and be sure not to stop, no matter how hard it is, you are only entitled to a break, a nap, but never a stop!

MOTIVATE YOURSELF

Sometimes, especially at 30, you learn not just how tough life is but how humans truly really are. While learning this, you may have shed a lot of people along the way, or those people just walked out on their own, either way, you feel all along. But the truth is, you are not. There are a lot of ways to reconnect to people and this time, not only would it be on your own terms, but you do get to carefully access exactly what you want from it and what you hope to give to it. If you cannot afford to connect because we all know that a 30 minutes trip in Lagos is traffic and 5k leaving your pocket, you can start the connections online. And no, not just Instagram and Twitter, right on Slack, Discord, Telegram or better yet, right in your religious organisation. Motivate yourself to go outside of your comfort zone, motivate yourself to dream and believe in yourself. Motivate yourself to understand that while there is not enough time, you do have all the time in the world as well.

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