Popular Nigerian marriage counselor and influencer, Shamseddin Giwa has advised married couples on how to handle marriage misunderstandings and stay together in their homes
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He posted this on his official Twitter account,  Shamseddin believes in a single paragraph that,  Pay attention to your words, avoiding insults. Allow others to speak, and listen more. .

Here’s what he refers to fight 101,

“Fight 101: HANDLING MISUNDERSTANDINGS RIGHT IN MARRIAGES AND COURTSHIPS

1. Deliberately watch your words. You can land your points without insults.
2. Wait your turn to talk. If you are talking every time, you are listening at no time. Allow the other to talk.
3. Keep a mental reminder of the aim of the conversation. The aim is not to win, the aim is to resolve the issue, learn and get better.
4. Listen to the words said but listen also for true meaning and intentions.
5. Past events can form a trend referenced but before you do that, consider the issue at hand, first, as a standalone issue.
6. In fighting you teach and learn. Allow yourself to teach and learn the good not the bad.
7. Be sure even if hits a deadlock, you’d be able to walk away having tried your best.
8. Walk away before it gets physical.
9. Learn to use conversational tools to aid your messaging:

Pause for the other to talk.

Rewind the point so that it can be landed better.

Stop and adjourn talks for later, know how to time this.

Fast forward to positive endings.

10. Don’t let the fights linger, try to resolve as quickly as possible.

Finally, don’t wait until fights happen. We’d all have misunderstandings from time to time. Plan upfront together, how you’d handle your issues if they do arise. This helps to embrace rational routes to resolution while you are both calm as against when you are already both angry”.

In summary of it all, Shamseddin Giwa believes that Keeping the conversation focused on resolving issues and learning, not winning, would help marriages. Both can also try to understand words and their underlying meanings. 

Turn conflicts into positive teaching moments. Aim to exit discussions knowing you tried your best. Leave if a situation becomes physical. Use tools like pausing and rewinding in conversations. Resolve fights promptly instead of prolonging them.
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