3 Reasons Nigerian Marriages Are Falling Apart – Part One
Ever wondered why marriages in our society are beginning to disintegrate more rapidly than a 30KVa generator burns through diesel?
I do! And it breaks my heart that as the years roll by, many more people are of the school of thought that marriage isn’t worth the effort anymore.
Couples assume that a marriage is meant to work without putting any skin in the game. “Listen, I said I loved you on the wedding day. I’m still here right? What else do you want from me?”
Is this what “love” sounds like?
Unfortunately NOT! Love is such a misconstrued word these days that sometimes I’m literally pulling at my hair (and now I don’t have much left!) when folks tell me that their marriage should work just because they picked a guy/girl that they believe will make them happy. What?!
Just to avoid going off on a tantrum (we’ll have lots of opportunities where I can tell you how flawed this “he/she will make me happy” mindset is), I’ll get to the point. Love is WORK! You LEARN how to love your spouse whom you have committed to live with forever. The heartfelt words you exchanged on your wedding day are not what make your marriage last…the right efforts you apply, will do the ‘magic’.
I have noticed in our beloved society that there are many reasons why marriages are taking a nosedive, but I decided to focus on three of them. I have split this article in two – why? Mainly because loosing you to your Facebook or Instagram or twitter timeline…is not the aim here.
So what’s the issue?
First, most of us go into marriage with the wrong mindset. How do you enter a life-long partnership with someone without understanding the principles that make that entanglement work? You fail to learn how to communicate with them, you have no clue what expectations you both have coming into this marriage, you fail to understand their needs, you fail to think about what your actions will do to your marriage and just do them anyway, you fail to think about their well-being…and totally focus on yourself. Why?
Are you the only one in that marriage? Remember, marriage involves TWO people? So, why do you act like you are married to yourself?
You go into marriage thinking, “I can live my life and they can live their life!” What?! Then why did you get married? You can’t go off and do your thing, while they go off and do their thing. Over time, you both become strangers in your own home. How exactly can you build a marriage that thrives when you think this way?
The mindset you enter into marriage with is what will keep or kill it. It is NO longer just about you, but about building with this other person you have sworn to be with till death. Get rid of that mindset that there is always Plan B if your spouse doesn’t “meet up” to your expectations. I doubt you are perfect! Can you honestly say you have met ALL their needs? For a marriage to work, you have to close all the exits that could become an escape route. Close all doors, windows and even mouse holes. Plug any opening you think will be a way out for you. Once the BOTH of you have a “we are in this forever” mindset, you will do whatever it takes to work on restoring your marriage.
So, what’s the hope I am sharing with you today?
It’s possible to fix your relationship. It might take just a slight shift in mindset to begin seeing your marriage in a different light and understand the work that you need to put in to turn it into the beautiful partnership it was made to be.
Look out for the second part of this video/article next week, where I’ll share the two other reasons why marriages in Nigeria are falling apart.
I’d love to hear from you, so please reach out with your questions. Leave a comment and share with a friend. Touch a life positively today. Thank You.
Here’s to the beginning of a new mindset.
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.