Sign of the times

“My brother did you watch the video of the man who went to his debtor’s house to demand his money being owed and stripped naked to swear for him?”

“You don’t mean it. Where did this happen?”
“In Asokoro District –Abuja.”

“But that is ludicrous! What would drive a full grown man with a wife and kids to go naked because he is being owed?”
“Eh, jokosibe. You are speaking grammar under the hot sun. It seems you are not looking outside. There is change out there and incidents like this are simply a sign of the times. And while you are still talking about ludicrousness, the guy apparently was paid some money the next day”.

“I still think he should have….”
“Keep your thoughts to yourself young man. Of what use is he fully clothed with no money to look after the wife and kids? You know women, he would have seen his life flash before him with her daily abuses; she will tell him continuously that he is useless, that he goes out hopeless and comes back useless. That is enough wahalato add to all that is happening.”

“Anyway, just in case you are in a similar situation or you know anyone who is, I have volunteers who are ready to strip naked and carry cock and white candle. Just give them a percentage of the recovered debt”!

“O ti o! It hasn’t got to this now…”
“What should it get to before you know that we live in interesting times now eh? Have you gone shopping recently? Do you know the price of foodstuff? People are going through an excruciating level of pain and suffering.”

“I think I understand. But I also believe this government should be given some time to come through. We need a healthy dose of patience my brother.”

“Ol boy, do not go out and preach this your message of long-suffering o! You may not have lips or a mouth to say what happened. Abi, it is until you see people slumping and dying on the streets before you know that we need serious aid? People are barely able to afford three meals. There is no need to add “square” because we are no longer concerned about the shape. We just need to see some semblance of food on our plates.”

“Patience I repeat. The government is working assiduously to turn our ailing economy. All hands are on deck to ensure that the economy is back on track.”

“You amuse me with this rhetoric. Can you categorically define or describe the blue print of this government for the economy? Do we have any policy document that holistically embodies where we are and the steps needed to get to where we should be as a nation? Any milestones and timelines we have to equip hospitals? Increase our savings? Improve the aviation industry even as more airlines threaten to leave Nigeria? Provide the much-needed infrastructure? Move from the class of developing nation to a developed nation? These are real, crucial questions begging for answers and cannot be side-stepped under colourful and flowery garb of “patience” and we are “on course.”

“I quite agree. But you may not be aware- a committee is being set up to address all these issues and come up with analytical strategies. There is also another fact-finding committee evaluating the precise figure of our national debt as a nation. In fact, as I speak, investors are rushing into the country and walking through our airports.”

“At this stage, I have to now whistle and laugh out in Spanish language. I hope you are joking. Airlines are pulling out of Nigeria because of the economic climate and associated dilemma of accessing and repatriating their funds. The airports are in darkness most of the time. Even Aero my favorite budget-friendly airline has gone down due to crippling debts and funding issues. The multiplier effects on families that have lost their jobs and incomes are better imagined than described. Airlines are barely surviving. Most sectors have a sad story to tell. So where do the investors want to come in? There has to be the imprinting of an enabling policy and conducive environment that is evident and viable.”

“I realise that even that our Honourable does not comment with those his high-sounding phrases any longer.”
“Ah, the issues are gargantuan gan! What does he want to say?”

“The country is not for small children, I’m telling you.”
“Look at all the stolen funds being recovered. Startling revelations of misused funds that could have contributed in no small way to the socio-economic development of our country.”

“It is indeed sad. But if what we read in the papers is anything to go by, they are returning most of these monies. It is indeed a welcome development”.

“What I have not understood is if the whole idea is to get them to return the loot, apologize and move on or if there is some punishment to serve as a deterrent. I even understand the EFCC is advocating for a percentage of some of the looted funds to run their operation citing some countries abroad as examples where it is practiced.”

“See where we are and see where they are carrying the matter to. What has been the practice in terms of funding for their operations?”
“Maybe they do not have enough funds to work with again. These are indeed interesting times.”

“Probably, it may be worthwhile to evaluate deeply the call in some quarters that we sell some of our national assets like NLNG so as to inject the much needed funds into our ailing economy!”

“It sounds like a temporary reprieve to a permanent solution. NLNG contributes about 80 per cent of the nation’s earnings. It is a strong institution with a concomitant vibrant structure.To this end, what we really need are the tenets of arobust economic institution, policies that work in tandem with institutions and structures that outlive persons. In any case, who will buy the asset?

The sale will not eliminate round tripping and would revolve around persons and not institutions. But come o!-why isn’t anyone talking about selling Ajaokuta Steel? Or the Federal Secretariat in Ikoyi? These are assets we can buy, turn around and inject money into the economy”.

“I was listening to a radio show the other day where someone suggested that the National Assembly formed part of our national assets and should be up for sale with the occupants inside as well.”

“Na wa! Nigerians are harsh o! People are not smiling at all. The Senate President is asking for a date so the President can come and address them on the state of the economy. He is also calling on all relevant stakeholders to discuss the state of the economy.”

“He has been battling so many issues since he was elected. I am not sure he would be able to concentrate fully on the state of the economy.”

“Wasn’t his name listed in the “Panama” leak?”
“What has that got to do with anything?”

“Nothing. It is just a question. Don’t be too terse. Calm down. Abi, you heard I’m responsible for the increase in the price of rice?”
“Do you ever think we would see the dollar at 200 to a Naira?
“That is a million dollar question. It would be nice to have a crystal ball that can peep into the future”.

“This exchange rate brouhaha is crippling virtually the entire economy. Parents can barely pay their children school fees abroad, the gas and power sector is in crisis because buyers cannot afford to pay for gas at the current exchange rate. Businesses are folding up and there is so much cruelty and evil going on as people are so desperate these days for cash.”

“In Bayelsa-State, people are stealing pots of soup just to eat. In some states, civil servants have not been paid for over six months.”

“The BDCs must be having a field day. I hear it is the latest cabal in town. Talk about making quick money.”
“Instead of talking about all these tales, we should be working towards floating our own BDC.”

“We need to pray more for this nation.”
“Hmm, did you read the article about Aso Rock and the evil spirits there?”
“When we finish praying, how do we form our own BDC? That is the koko of the matter.”

“Look, you should be interested in what you can do for your country, young man”.
“Story for the gods. I am going to draw up a business plan and have you review it.”

“What did you make of our first lady’s interview on BBC?”
“I did not watch it. There was no light.”

“But it was all over the internet and newspapers.”
“I didn’t read. Those are all luxurious and worldly items.”

“Why are you forming deaf and dumb and adding deeper life into the mix?”
“Shhh…You are not aware that DSS is climbing over people’s walls to arrest them? You want me in jail abi?”

“You forget my wife just gave birth. You better watch your utterances young man. Don’t let me doubt your common sense.”
“O well, if you insist. There is also a lot of debate going on over the $4,090 dollar Salvatore Ferragamo cape outfit that the first lady wore for a function.”

“Ah! Did you say $4,090? Is that a telephone number or truly the price of an outfit?”
“In my opinion, she is the first lady. She can afford little luxuries like that”.

“Yes, but it is akin to telling us to buy made in Nigeria rice while they eat Uncle Bens”. In any event, we have been told that we are in a recession.”

“Why do you believe everything you read? Recession is just a word.”
“Ah, I’m feeling weak and tired all of a sudden”.
“Get some rest. It’s a sign of the times”.
“Change begins with you”.

Onagoruwa lives in Lagos.